{"id":2194,"date":"2011-08-11T11:44:29","date_gmt":"2011-08-11T15:44:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=2194"},"modified":"2011-08-11T11:50:30","modified_gmt":"2011-08-11T15:50:30","slug":"cool-rainy-days-make-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=2194","title":{"rendered":"Cool, Rainy Days Make Me…"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s one of those cool, grey days. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

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I have to say that I love this kind of day every once in a while. \u00a0It’s the kind of day that I don’t mind doing laundry or hanging out at home. \u00a0It is the kind of day I find myself daydreaming a lot… of things past and future. \u00a0It’s the kind of day that I love to snuggle with the boys and watch a movie … and if the movie is too testosterone filled, I’ll read a book while they watch.
\nOh yes, I love a day like this every once in a while.<\/p>\n

Today, it almost feels like fall is around the corner. \u00a0Even though there are still a few weeks left, I find that my mind is racing with all the Back to School stuff. \u00a0I find myself thinking of the committees I am on that I need to prep for. \u00a0The bathroom… the boys one that we raised money for, is still not quite finished… and I find this frustrating… especially since I know that every one is volunteering their time… but I am tired of this project hanging over my head. \u00a0I keep looking at Josh growing and wondering how I will find pants to fit his ever growing frame.<\/p>\n

Today I am thinking of looking for a bike for Josh… since he has this fear or intolerance of movement… quite possibly stemming from all his ear issues, \u00a0riding a bike has been a challenge. \u00a0Um… and quite a frustration for Sanj. \u00a0While I worry about potty training and all that stuff, my husband stresses about teaching the boys to ride a bike and skating. \u00a0All the boys learned to ride on this now beat up green little bike. \u00a0Josh will not be amoung that group. \u00a0He towers over it. \u00a0He still will need training wheels… but I am sure he will get there!<\/p>\n

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Poor Child, he seems to have a lot of challenges!<\/p>\n

I am so glad we packed it up and came back from camping a day early. \u00a0It would have been a rough night! \u00a0That said, I was thinking that next year, I would get the yurt and the boys could bring a friend and set up in the sight next to me. \u00a0How fun would that be!<\/p>\n

I am feeling restless. \u00a0My spirit is unsettled. \u00a0I focus so much on my relationships in my life and yet have this unsettling feeling when they are not reciporcated. \u00a0 Then I start the barraging of “What’s wrong with me or us?”<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>I was chatting with a friend not to long ago and she was telling my how she had been praying to God for a best friend. \u00a0This is such a hard subject. \u00a0How many are looking for that best friend? \u00a0I have a best friend, actually two girlfriends. \u00a0When we get together, my heart is so filled. \u00a0I can talk to them about anything and everything. \u00a0I miss them so much. \u00a0 They are my Gayle, as in Oprah has her Gayle. \u00a0It is not they same, though. \u00a0We are so far from each other. \u00a0Oh we chat. \u00a0When we chat, we can talk for hours. \u00a0It feels so good and yet it leaves a \u00a0longing.<\/p>\n

I yearn for the reciprocation of friendship. \u00a0I yearn for the daily chatter… or the dropping in for a visit, despite what our houses look like. \u00a0I miss having a best friend. \u00a0I often feel a loss of not having a sister. \u00a0I remember when my youngest brother was born and the nurse came into the room we were waiting in and said that we had another brother, how I cried and cried. \u00a0I can still see that room, the sofas, how they were arranged. \u00a0I had prayed so hard for a sister.<\/p>\n

I have a great baby brother. \u00a0I love our relationship… he told me we are like Oprah and Gayle. \u00a0That is quite a compliment. \u00a0I love him. \u00a0Yet he is still not a sister.<\/p>\n

It seems to be a common thing… the hunt or yearning for a best friend. \u00a0I stumbled upon a blog of a lady in the Big Apple searching for her best friend. \u00a0She was single and obviously had time to devote to this.<\/p>\n

Moving into Peterborough, over the years, I have a great group of ladies that I am blessed to call friend. \u00a0I love them. \u00a0I know that they are their if I need them. Yet they are for the most part settled. \u00a0Many have grown up here and have their roots… their groups … their buddies.<\/p>\n

Last night Sanj and I went and saw Crazy Stupid Love, <\/em>great movie, by the way. \u00a0It was one of those movies that made you look at relationships… at the place that I am now… 40 something, no babies, married. \u00a0Is your marriage all that you thought it would be? \u00a0Is is fulfilling? \u00a0It tossed around the word soul mate. \u00a0Are you married to your soul mate? \u00a0And does it matter?<\/p>\n

Movies like that leave me pondering… \u00a0Sanj is my best friend in so many ways. \u00a0Yet, I have all these insecurities too. \u00a0I wonder if he gets bored with me? \u00a0(Yah, I know, hard to imagine! lol) \u00a0I am not athletic. \u00a0I am not outdoorsy. \u00a0I am not musical. \u00a0I think golf is a stupid waste of time. \u00a0I am not an intellectual. \u00a0I get bitchy when I am cleaning. \u00a0I am hyper. \u00a0I hate being still. \u00a0He craves this. \u00a0I hate that he needs this. \u00a0He is always worried. \u00a0I can be childish… which he hates. \u00a0He has always been an old soul. \u00a0I love Mickey Mouse. \u00a0He likes his alone time. \u00a0I love being with people. \u00a0Oh the list goes on. \u00a0We love each other. \u00a0I know that. \u00a0Is love enough? \u00a0Sometimes I get scared. \u00a0What if it isn’t?<\/p>\n

We as a society never really just talk about our insecurities. \u00a0We seem to just give the world the picture that life is grand. \u00a0I got a message from someone while we were in PEI. \u00a0They were looking at the pictures of our trip on Facebook. \u00a0Part of what they wrote was “The pictures tell the tale of a family of love and respect for each other, a family that can laugh ,play and just plan enjoy life to the fullest and all of God wonderful creation. So glad you had this time.”<\/em><\/p>\n

It was a lovely comment. \u00a0Yet, a part of me felt fraudulent. \u00a0We aren’t perfect at all. \u00a0My kids fight all the time. \u00a0They don’t seem to respect each other. \u00a0The only time someone isn’t fighting is when they are asleep. \u00a0There is someone always bothering a brother or saying something hurtful or pushing or … \u00a0 \u00a0All the time. \u00a0I am not a patient parent. \u00a0I find myself irritated with the constantness of having six boys … siblingitis<\/em>… the irritation of having sibling.<\/p>\n

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Then I hear a mom tell me her kids never fight. \u00a0They are 3 years apart, each of them and they kind of ignore each other. \u00a0Another tells of her two sons, a year apart, are each other’s best friends.<\/p>\n

What’s wrong with my kids? \u00a0I suppose I love snapping pictures of my boys because pictures are quiet. \u00a0They aren’t fighting. \u00a0They aren’t being short with each other. \u00a0They are still!<\/p>\n

Oh.. it’s a grey, cool day outside. \u00a0Days like this make me ramble…. on and on.<\/p>\n

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It’s one of those cool, grey days. I have to say that I love this kind of day every once in a while. \u00a0It’s the kind of day that I don’t mind doing laundry or hanging out at home. \u00a0It … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,189,6,1,10,32,13,140,15,5,11,55],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2194"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2194"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2194\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2199,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2194\/revisions\/2199"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2194"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2194"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2194"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}