{"id":2518,"date":"2011-11-21T10:10:32","date_gmt":"2011-11-21T15:10:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=2518"},"modified":"2011-11-21T10:11:14","modified_gmt":"2011-11-21T15:11:14","slug":"2518","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=2518","title":{"rendered":"“What Can I Pray About For You?”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yesterday while at church…<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

a lady (whom I know but am not close to) leaned over after church and asked me, “What can I pray for you about? \u00a0You seem to be battling something heavy.” \u00a0<\/em>I was suffering from cramps and really needed to be in bed. \u00a0I was dealing with the stresses of my teens… some making unhealthy choices, fearing for the paths that seem so attractive to them. \u00a0I was feeling tired of the strength that seems to be required of me. \u00a0I was struggling with church and at that moment why I was there. \u00a0I was struggling with stuff that I want God to fix and yet haven’t seen the answers I was looking for. \u00a0I looked at her, smiled and said, “Oh, I have cramps and really wish for my bed.”<\/em><\/p>\n

I have been battling with God about feeling so overwhelmed with all my worries and needs. \u00a0I haven’t been blogging because the things I want and need to write aren’t really things I can write about right now. \u00a0Maybe after I’ve seen my kids through some of the valleys we seem to be in, it will be ok to write after the fact. \u00a0Yet not writing is leaving a void in me. \u00a0I started to journal again. \u00a0Maybe that will help.<\/p>\n

Maybe.<\/p>\n

My dad called the other day… after talking to my youngest brother, to learn that it was Jordan’s birthday. \u00a0He called to wish him. \u00a0As the caller id identified my dad, I let the call go to the machine. \u00a0 It freaked me out that he was calling. \u00a0I needed to be able to prepare to talk to him. \u00a0After I listened to his message… that began, “Reema, (as he says my name with his still stong accent), this is Daddy…” \u00a0<\/em>I felt such a longing as he said, “Daddy.” \u00a0I miss that so much in my life. \u00a0Having a daddy. \u00a0My relationship with my dad wasn’t all bad. \u00a0There were those moments that I have blips of memories of us just being… \u00a0maybe I had a 6th sense to appreciate those moments, even back then… because I have these vivid memories of just moments with him that were just so normal. \u00a0Going and getting gas. \u00a0Or going to the hospital to pick up my mom from work. \u00a0Or just driving. \u00a0Funny, most of these memories are in the vehicle.<\/p>\n

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I can only imagine his loneliness. \u00a0It truly breaks my heart. \u00a0I feel his heart ache of losing his family. \u00a0I feel his frustration of wondering how it all became such a mess. \u00a0I know he does not think it’s his fault. \u00a0Yet I wonder who he blames? \u00a0And how can he really forget all the years of letting us down and hurting as in that role of being my dad.<\/p>\n

I wonder about his heart. \u00a0Is there goodness there? \u00a0I think so. \u00a0I think there is generousness there too. \u00a0I think there is loyality there too. \u00a0I think there is that need to be Daddy there too. \u00a0And yet, somehow it’s all gotten so mixed up in his head.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, when I am on the phone with him, that once or twice a year it happens, as I listen to him chatter about his woes, my heart is racing the whole time I am on the phone with him. \u00a0I miss him so much… and yet at the same time, am so glad to not have the endless drama and fear that comes with him actively being in my life. \u00a0And yet, there are times, I wish he could just come and visit. \u00a0And be normal.<\/p>\n

It’s Monday. \u00a0Sammy is home sick. \u00a0Josh slept on the top bunk for the first time last night. \u00a0He was so proud of himself… till he woke up and came to my bed. \u00a0I’m looking at the house that is in need of a major tidy after the weekend… even though it seems we were constantly cleaning. \u00a0I’m in the midst of playing catch up with the laundry. \u00a0And… I feel heavy as I go into this week. \u00a0My heart feels so heavy.<\/p>\n

Maybe this too shall pass.<\/p>\n

Maybe.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yesterday while at church… a lady (whom I know but am not close to) leaned over after church and asked me, “What can I pray for you about? \u00a0You seem to be battling something heavy.” \u00a0I was suffering from cramps … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,189,28,6,1,10,140,15,11,55],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2518"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2518"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2518\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2527,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2518\/revisions\/2527"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2518"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2518"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2518"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}