Yesterday I spent part of the day with my dad. To be honest, the night before, I didn’t want to go. I was feeling that I was wasting time. I have so much to do and did not feel the need to drive to Oshawa and be uncomfortable.<\/p>\n
I went. I did not want to “hurt” my dad’s feelings. Talk about irony. It was fine. I am fine.<\/p>\n
I realized that almost 40 years has gone by and I am fine. No expectations. God has been so good to me. I have peace where there is no understanding. I have acceptance of this person as he is. It was just doing errands with my dad and Josh, having lunch and then talk to you later.<\/p>\n
As I drove away, I was waiting for emotions to flood me and to feel unsettled. I was a little lost at the lack of emotional drama.
I was a little lost at the nothingness I felt. I felt OK.<\/p>\n
I went because I felt like it was the right thing to do. I felt sad at the consequences of my father’s life. Loneliness is a bitch of a punishment. <\/p>\n
My dad seems nostalgic… mentioning my fast approaching 40th birthday… and said something about how time goes by so fast.<\/p>\n
Does he have regrets? It would seem so. Does he verbalize them… not yet. Maybe these regrets will keep him company in his grave.<\/p>\n
I am not holding my breathe for a miracle… <\/p>\n
Yet I am content with where I am emotionally. It is a long way from one year ago. How blessed I feel for this gift. Acceptance.
Accepting what he can give me and not seeking what isn’t. Peace… am I at peace? Maybe or close to it. Wow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yesterday I spent part of the day with my dad. To be honest, the night before, I didn’t want to go. I was feeling that I was wasting time. I have so much to do and did not feel the … Continue reading