{"id":4260,"date":"2016-09-22T10:46:24","date_gmt":"2016-09-22T14:46:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=4260"},"modified":"2019-10-29T11:15:12","modified_gmt":"2019-10-29T15:15:12","slug":"happy-birthday-to-me-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=4260","title":{"rendered":"Happy Birthday to Me!"},"content":{"rendered":"

The weekend past was brutal.  I felt so low, dark and alone.  I found myself wishing that life could end.  This is a cycle in my world.  My reality.  I know that when I am feeling this low I need to reach out to the help that is my support system.  My therapist and I chatted  Monday morning— this in it self usually helps me greatly.  She helps me reframe the messiness of my mind into something that is positive and I hang up feeling better — usually I have things that I need to do to dig myself out of the dark.<\/p>\n

Monday I called her feeling that darkness swallowing me up.  In the course of the session, we talked about my dad and how I am working it all out.  I realized that I am at a place of acceptance and know boundaries to keep myself safe emotionally.  I realized that I loved my dad and had come to accept that he loved me but couldn’t show it in the way that was needed.  I felt so proud of this progress.<\/p>\n

Monday night I was at the mall and my cell rang.  I was paying for my purchase and took the call- despite the number being unknown.  The lady on the line told me that my dad had just died.<\/p>\n

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You know, for months (maybe longer) I have been praying that God would take my dad.  I wanted so badly his suffering to end.  I hated his suffering, his heart was bad.  Very bad.  He lived at life where strangers where his family  and friends.  I kept praying this prayer.  Was it bad to pray this?  I guess I felt comfort that God would know best.<\/p>\n

Tomorrow is my birthday.  It’s a day I love.  Last night as I was driving home, I felt such peace.  I know that my dad is laying sleep in Jesus.  My dad loved God, almost to an obsession.  He shared Him with everyone.  I mean EVERYONE!   He had a boldness that most people do not have no a day.  I wish my dad was able to show his love to us, his kids, with such abandonment and yet I have come to realize he was broken.  I felt that God gave me an amazing birthday gift… an answer to my prayer.  He took my broken daddy and gave him peace.  My dad is resting in Jesus.  When I see him again, my daddy will be whole, healed and happy.  He WILL be able to show me his love and it will be overflowing. As I was driving home, I felt so peaceful.  I felt peace that I have never known before.  I saw a rainbow- it wasn’t a typical rainbow but a burst of one in the clouds.  How often can you say that God gave you a birthday gift?!!!<\/p>\n

I have always said that  I know God loves me more!!!<\/p>\n

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Is this proof?  Hehe<\/p>\n

My birthday present is that God answered my prayer.  My dad is finally at peace.  As a result… God gifted me a peace that passeth understanding.  I always loved that sentence but truthfully couldn’t image it… until now.  It is such a beautiful thing, receiving peace in a mess that makes no sense and yet knowing with out a shadow of doubt that it’s all good.  God’s got it.<\/p>\n

Thank you, Jesus for loving me so much to give me the incredible gift of Your love in a way that is so special and meaningful.  BTW- Jesus, thanks that I AM Your favourite! \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The weekend past was brutal.  I felt so low, dark and alone.  I found myself wishing that life could end.  This is a cycle in my world.  My reality.  I know that when I am feeling this low I need … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[189,259,28,6,1,10,32,140,5,11,55],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4260"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4260"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4260\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4706,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4260\/revisions\/4706"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4260"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4260"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4260"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}