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Can I tell you about yesterday?\u00a0<\/strong> Tuesday I flew to Boston to do my www.ReemaTalks.com<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 (yes- shameless plug) with a group of pastors there. \u00a0I have spoken a few times, but always with support. \u00a0God has always had it that my brother, husband or girlfriend were there every time. \u00a0 I was never alone.<\/p>\n This time, there was the first hurdle that I would have to check into a hotel and spend the night ALONE! \u00a0I do not do alone well. \u00a0Ever. \u00a0Oh, I can appreciate the hour or two alone with a book or something but then I am done. \u00a0I want somebody in my space. \u00a0I feel safer. \u00a0Sadly, when you have been assaulted, you’re feeling of safety disappears. \u00a0Forever.<\/p>\n When Sanj is away, I am thrilled when my younger version of Sanj comes into bed. \u00a0I don’t like sleeping on the side of the bed by the door. \u00a0It feels safer away from it. \u00a0My house is always locked when I am home alone. \u00a0And then I check again. \u00a0I sleep with the light in the bathroom on. \u00a0For me. \u00a0The boys sleep in the pitch black. \u00a0I have never done that.<\/p>\n I could keep going but… there I was alone in a hotel room. \u00a0It was on the main floor, so the window was there. \u00a0There was an exit door right by mine. \u00a0And I was alone. \u00a0A head banging migraine came on. \u00a0The pillows were huge, \u00a0hard and \u00a0uncomfortable . \u00a0I was alone. \u00a0I had asked so many of my friends to pray of my night. \u00a0Drugged up, for my headache, I asked God to help me and fell asleep. \u00a0I woke up and discovered I had slept 2 hours! \u00a0Darn. 7 more hours to go. \u00a0I fell back asleep. \u00a02 hours passed. \u00a05 more hours left! \u00a02 hours passed. \u00a03 hours left!!!! \u00a0And then I woke up. \u00a0I made it through the night! \u00a0Tonight I would be safe in my bed with my security buddy.<\/p>\n I was overly stressed. \u00a0I was feeling very insecure about my presentation. \u00a0What if it was stupid? \u00a0What if the information I did in my workshop\/seminar\/whatever it was, was dumb? \u00a0I mean who am I to teach or present this stuff?<\/p>\n My story… sharing it has always been ok. \u00a0I am shaking as I share. \u00a0My mouth becomes so dry as I talk and sometimes I need to pause. \u00a0And yet sharing is healing. \u00a0Yesterday, I was petrified. \u00a0Yesterday I was filled with doubt. \u00a0Yesterday as I sat there waiting, my head again began to pound. I found myself begging God to please give me strength, \u00a0that strength only He can.<\/p>\n I struggled to open my child-proof med for my headache. \u00a0It would not let me! \u00a0A man walked by, asked if I wanted help and took out his pocket knife. \u00a0I didn’t know people still carried them. \u00a0Realizing I was nursing a migraine, he went and bought me that magic potion for those killer headaches.<\/p>\n I watched as the room filled. And then more people began coming in. \u00a0I sat there and tried to breathe. \u00a0That was what I learned to do. \u00a0Breathe. In. Slowly.<\/strong> \u00a0What was wrong with me? \u00a0I had never felt this insecure before.<\/p>\n Stupid Satan!!! \u00a0I realized that it was the only reason. \u00a0Satan… He was bugging me. \u00a0He was filling me with doubt and insecurity. \u00a0This made me mad. \u00a0I felt really mad. \u00a0I have heard how others have said that the devil attacks them. \u00a0I am not sure I have felt that this strongly before. \u00a0Yet I was alone and he knew my weak spots. \u00a0Fear of being alone. \u00a0Was my belly sticking out too much in this dress? \u00a0Was my hair frizzy? \u00a0What if my PowerPoint didn’t work? What if I make a fool of myself?<\/p>\n It was my turn. \u00a0I went up. \u00a0There was a LOT of men in suits and ties. \u00a0They looked at me. \u00a0There were a few women. \u00a0They all kind of scared me with their intensity. \u00a0There were a few cool friendly ones but for the most part, I felt intimidated.<\/p>\n Jesus please help me.<\/p>\n And then I spoke. \u00a0I found myself trembling. \u00a0I paused more than usual. \u00a0I felt so emotional. \u00a0My throat was parched more than usually. \u00a0I forgot my water and was given a bottle (it wasn’t Dasani or Aquafina- if you have followed me, you know I am a water snob). \u00a0I told my story. \u00a0I shared. \u00a0I spoke of pain, betrayal and then hope and love. \u00a0I spoke about God triumphing. \u00a0(And internally was sticking out my tongue at satan)! \u00a0I shared how God used pain, hurt and betrayal to bring healing, empowerment and giving me a VOICE, to speak for all those that couldn’t, yet.<\/p>\n I did it. \u00a0I finished. \u00a0I was still standing. \u00a0And then I watched as they clapped. \u00a0And THEY stood!<\/p>\n They stood! \u00a0This is called a standing-ovation. \u00a0And yet for me it was something different. \u00a0It was validation that it WAS\/IS the time!!!! \u00a0It’s time!!! \u00a0It is time for us to END IT NOW. \u00a0As this room full of maybe 80 people stood, they stood WITH ME! \u00a0I thought about Onward Christian Soldiers… (Do you know that old song)? \u00a0God is empowering us. \u00a0We just have to stand. \u00a0We have to make a stand. \u00a0It’s time to #ENDITNOW #PASTORALABUSE @METOO.<\/p>\n I was overcome with emotion. \u00a0I WAS NOT ALONE!<\/p>\n YOU ARE NOT ALONE!<\/p>\n FYI- the presentation\/workshop\/seminar\/whatever it is went great. \u00a0They were a room full of men in suits and ties that were ready to do what we need to do. \u00a0They are ready to end it now. \u00a0Just in suits. \u00a0 \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n \n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Can I tell you about yesterday?\u00a0 Well, I guess if you are reading it, that is an affirmative! \u00a0\ud83d\ude42 Tuesday I flew to Boston to do my www.ReemaTalks.com\u00a0 (yes- shameless plug) with a group of pastors … Continue reading
\nWell, I guess if you are reading it, that is an affirmative! \u00a0\ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n