{"id":507,"date":"2009-02-11T09:25:00","date_gmt":"2009-02-11T14:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=507"},"modified":"2009-02-11T09:25:00","modified_gmt":"2009-02-11T14:25:00","slug":"it-is-all-about-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=507","title":{"rendered":"It Is All About Me!"},"content":{"rendered":"

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The last bit I have been having dreams about high school. <\/p>\n

Those years were not pleasant years for me. I was more in a survival mode. <\/p>\n

I disappeared into my dream world a lot. Reading took me away too. <\/p>\n

I went through high school wishing … I wished I was popular. I wished I had more friends. I wished I was invited to sleep-overs. I wished boys liked me. I wished that I had nicer clothes… (especially Hang Ten). I had a lot of wishes.<\/p>\n

I have pictures on graduation with alot of the people in my class, smiling, looking like I did belong. Funny how pictures can lie.<\/p>\n

I grew up. I found me. I eventually grew to like me. I learned that if I come out of my shell, there are great friends just waiting to be my friend.<\/p>\n

My 20th high school reunion came. My two buddies (that eventually became very good friends after high school) and I decided we would go back.<\/p>\n

Here is the craziest thing. I am so not what I was in high school. I am actually the opposite of me then. Yet as I entered that world again, I became me from that time.
Crazy! <\/p>\n

I could feel myself withdrawing, and feeling scared and unwanted. Yet I couldn’t stop myself. <\/p>\n

Grrr. I am so frustrated with myself. I was shy and awkward. And what was more frustrating was I couldn’t stop myself.<\/p>\n

Why couldn’t I just go up to the teachers or former classmates and chat? What was wrong with me?<\/p>\n

No one in my life today would believe the me from yesterday. Yet I am sure that my friends from yesterday really couldn’t believe the me today.<\/p>\n

Frustrating. But maybe this just comes down to getting past the point of what others think. Obviously subconsciously I do.<\/p>\n

Maybe there is a part of me that wants yesterday to know that really I was and would have been worth the effort. That deep inside me there the me that no one really knew.<\/p>\n

Does it matter? Maybe, though I know it shouldn’t. Maybe putting it out on paper will get it out of me. I am tired of dreaming of the high school days. I am tired of beating myself up for becoming me again.<\/p>\n

Really I am just not wanting to care about it.<\/p>\n

Then again, I maybe do not regret the geek years because I can so relative to so many people that suffer through this even as adults. I hate seeing cliques. I hate people being left out. I hate exclusion.<\/p>\n

So how do I end this? I have to accept that perhaps that geeky, gawky Reema is still in me. I have to get to loving and accepting her too. <\/p>\n

Hum… this may require a bit of time.
Total acceptance of me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The last bit I have been having dreams about high school. Those years were not pleasant years for me. I was more in a survival mode. I disappeared into my dream world a lot. Reading took me away too. I … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/507"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=507"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/507\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=507"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=507"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=507"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}