{"id":576,"date":"2009-04-30T09:56:00","date_gmt":"2009-04-30T13:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=576"},"modified":"2009-04-30T09:56:00","modified_gmt":"2009-04-30T13:56:00","slug":"fear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=576","title":{"rendered":"Fear!"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Do you have fears that can consume you? I suppose most of us fear something or another. <\/p>\n

Cancer is a big one for me. It is one of those things that I have seen hurt those around me. I guess I just want to be there for my children… then when they are grown… I feel I can handle things better.<\/p>\n

Losing one of my children… this is not one I obsess about … but do pray for that heavenly protection over each of my children.
When I hear a story about a child being taken… it hits me where I can’t breathe. I just can’t even image.<\/p>\n

Then there is pregnancy… sounds silly, yah, I know. Every one of my pregnancies were planned. I am happy with the six munchkins I have. <\/p>\n

I am 40 years old. I made my plans to be done having babies by 35. Pretty close… Josh was in my belly at 35. Done. Finished. <\/p>\n

I am looking at the next phase of life. A few days where I can do what needs to be done without a shadow. (Loved having a shadow… will miss the shadow….)<\/p>\n

I have always enjoyed each of my pregnancies. I loved being pregnant. After Josh, we were done… done having kids and done trying for a girl. Sanj got “fixed.”<\/p>\n

I have to admit, I still worried about getting pregnant. I felt that his sperm was not normal… rather a super-sperm… a vasectomy will not stop the swimmer from “becoming!” So I used birth control for back up… and to help deal with my cramp issues.<\/p>\n

I finally decided to just let it all go and deal with the cramping.<\/p>\n

This month my period did not make its appearance. In place of it was serious nausea, dry heaving and cramps. My period is never late. I took a pregnancy test. Negative. I didn’t believe it. Major freaking out.<\/p>\n

Still very nauseous. More freaking out (have to admit… a bit excited … crazy, I know…) another pregnancy test. Negative.<\/p>\n

By now… I truly believe I am pregnant. Sanj is not enjoying my craziness. Yes, one more prego test. Negative.<\/p>\n

It is amazing how you can make yourself believe and feel psychologically. I convinced myself that I was pregnant. I went to my doctor’s … for blood work.<\/p>\n

Phone rings… heart races… not pregnant. OK… phew. I am too old to be waking up, changing diapers, carrying a diaper bag, dealing with car seats, strollers, spit up, teething, potty training… OK… bring on the nausea, I can handle it.<\/p>\n

I loved being pregnant. I LOVED babies. I will miss it. Maybe my missed period is just another sign of saying goodbye to my youth. Maybe I am getting old… <\/p>\n

I really do scare myself sometimes. Poor Sanj… see what he has to live with?!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you have fears that can consume you? I suppose most of us fear something or another. Cancer is a big one for me. It is one of those things that I have seen hurt those around me. I guess … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/576"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=576"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/576\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=576"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=576"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=576"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}