{"id":690,"date":"2009-09-04T09:15:00","date_gmt":"2009-09-04T13:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=690"},"modified":"2009-09-04T09:15:00","modified_gmt":"2009-09-04T13:15:00","slug":"i-feel-weird","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=690","title":{"rendered":"I feel Weird…"},"content":{"rendered":"

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I feel so weird. My dad’s suppose to have surgery (can’t remember what kind) and so my mom went to help him out.<\/p>\n

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It is what it is. It is a cycle. Just before she left she said that she wished she didn’t say she was coming. But she went. It is what is familiar, I guess.<\/div>\n
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She called my brother saying my dad isn’t doing well. Of course we know this. He has been hanging on for a while now. I think it is God… waiting… giving him chances to fix things… or maybe he is just stubborn… my dad.<\/div>\n
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Have you ever loved someone or something… yet you know you have to let go? It is a process, the letting go, but eventually you figure how to release, that pain becomes a dull ache that you feel once in a while, you may see it\/them and then your life goes on…<\/div>\n
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Have you? This is how I feel about my dad. Yes, I love him. Yes, I wish for so much more. Yes, I have to let go or else I’ll drowned in it…. the love and pain and hurt.<\/div>\n
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Maybe what I have spent the past so many years doing is mourning him. I feel weird inside.<\/div>\n
I guess I don’t wish him dead… of course not. Yet, I know that only in death will he have peace. I wish him peace that passes all understanding.<\/div>\n
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Because my mom is there… there will be the ongoing pulling me\/us into the drama.<\/div>\n
Until it ends. <\/div>\n
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And then what? I don’t know. But I am feeling that dull ache. I am feeling tired. I am feeling that pull. I am feeling tired of always having to be strong to fight against getting pulled into that cycle.<\/div>\n
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Never do I want to be part of that cycle. Is that OK? Well it has to be. I don’t think I would survive going back to it again. It was too hard to get out the first, second and third time.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I feel so weird. My dad’s suppose to have surgery (can’t remember what kind) and so my mom went to help him out. It is what it is. It is a cycle. Just before she left she said that she … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/690"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=690"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/690\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=690"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=690"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=690"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}