{"id":776,"date":"2009-11-13T18:08:00","date_gmt":"2009-11-13T23:08:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=776"},"modified":"2009-11-13T18:08:00","modified_gmt":"2009-11-13T23:08:00","slug":"hard-stuff","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=776","title":{"rendered":"Hard Stuff…"},"content":{"rendered":"

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It’s Friday night. I love my Friday nights. The males in my house are all at the table eating and watching “Aliens in the Attic.”<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n


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I have snuck away to my computer. There is so much I want to say. There is so much I need to say. Yet sometimes I am scared to say it here… not sure who will read it and who will be offended.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

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I wish I didn’t care. Most of the time I don’t. I am so grateful for the feedback I get from you. I have asked God to use me. He has used my blog so many times. For this, I am grateful and flattered.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

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Just today I got this note from a friend… I am assuming it is OK to post since there is no name attached.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
“I just realized that I am embarrassed to write this on your blog…..thank you….I really needed a happy pill…I was putting it off….. hoping it would go away…. but it was me that was going away……hopefully three week and I will feel better! Thanks again.”<\/span><\/div>\n

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I so appreciate your notes and feedback. <\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

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Today I have been thinking of my dad. Today I was reminded of why he is not present in my life. He called my brother and was telling how he wished that I was going to the baby dedication of my brother’s (that I have chosen to kept at a distance at this time in my life).<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

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He was talking about how I never answer the phone when he calls (not a truth) and how he is scared to call here. He twists things all the time. He then was saying how wishes I would forget things and just let it all go. He wants a family picture. That is the bottom line. Funny, it isn’t about me being there or about anything then that he wants a family picture.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

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I hate his manipulations. I hate that he is selfish. I hate that he doesn’t understand the hurt and damage he has caused in his life. I hate that there are moments that I miss him in my life that I can’t stand it.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

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The whole family picture… in my eyes, that is a privilege. You don’t get the right to have a family picture when you choice not to be family. You can’t have a picture to pretend and show off that family is important. For me, family is such a gift. You can’t take family, abuse them and then wish them there whenever you want.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

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It doesn’t work that way for me. My children and husband are the most precious things to me. If you have a relationship with them, it is a gift, not a right. When you hurt them, you lose that gift.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

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I am tired of all the things I have done in the name of family. What am I teaching my children if I allow people to hurt them or me? I am not teaching them to love themselves. I am not teaching them to value themselves and expect the best from people. If they are taught to value themselves, I pray and hope that they will never stand for anyone hurting them. Yes, even family.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

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I find this so hard. Boundaries. I love my family. I love my brothers. I love my parents. But finally, after a lifetime of searching… I have learned to love me. I know what I can handle. I know what sends me over the edge. I have to love me and listen to me. It is one of the hardest things to live by, yet if I want my children to learn that loving themselves is so important… then I have to live by my actions.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

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It was a lot of soul searching… but it keeps the soul misery away… when I dig deep.<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s Friday night. I love my Friday nights. The males in my house are all at the table eating and watching “Aliens in the Attic.” I have snuck away to my computer. There is so much I want to say. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/776"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=776"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/776\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=776"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=776"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=776"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}