{"id":2324,"date":"2011-09-23T14:30:10","date_gmt":"2011-09-23T18:30:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=2324"},"modified":"2011-09-23T14:41:22","modified_gmt":"2011-09-23T18:41:22","slug":"baseball-dancing-darkness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=2324","title":{"rendered":"Baseball, Dancing, Darkness…"},"content":{"rendered":"

“Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.”<\/strong><\/em>
\nJapanese Proverb<\/p>\n

Over the years, I have discovered, grown, changed and conquered things that eventually made me whom I am today. \u00a0Not an easy feat. \u00a0I spent so much of my first half of my life scared of so many things. \u00a0Even my own shadow. \u00a0The dark… still a fear, a big one. \u00a0Animals, they creep me out, especially rodents. \u00a0I have a lot of fears, still.<\/p>\n

Yet over the years, there are some things on my “bucket list” that I really want to conquer. \u00a0For most people, these things would be simple, almost laughable. \u00a0Yet for me, I have a major fear factor. \u00a0Sports, team sports, causes me absolute fear. \u00a0As a child in school\/high school, I was always the last kid chosen. \u00a0Always. \u00a0I feel this absolute stress, at the thought of catching a ball, hitting a ball, throwing a ball…\u00a0 I hated the feeling that always accompanied this… that unwanted and burdensome feeling of being a loser.\u00a0 Now, as I have grown up, I have heard countless people say that’s how they felt.\u00a0 Yet still, it is a feeling that over takes me when in that kind of senario.<\/p>\n

On my bucket list are things listed to battled some of those fears… to play on a baseball team…\u00a0 I didn’t care if I still sucked at it, I just wanted to overcome the fear of being on a team.\u00a0 I did this a few years ago.\u00a0 There are the ladies teams… church teams in town and my friends convinced me that it was “safe” to join.\u00a0 Little did they know I suck.\u00a0 Little did I know that not much changes from high school to adulthood.\u00a0 There are always the overly intense people that take sports way to serious. lol\u00a0 Yet, here’s the\u00a0thing, I did it.\u00a0 I was on a team, I went up to bat and actually made contact with the ball a few times.\u00a0 I still got out way too often… and all that stuff but… I did it.\u00a0 I didn’t have a heart attack.\u00a0 And you know what?\u00a0\u00a0 Despite that fact that the mental picture of me all of a sudden becoming a great hitter and catcher didn’t become a reality… I felt pretty good.<\/p>\n

Part of the reason I have some fears was the ridicule of those in my life.\u00a0 Even by my own friends … often in jest… I suppose that my self esteem was so little that I often believed the words of those around me.<\/p>\n

Dancing was another thing that I am painfully embarassesed to do in front of anyone.\u00a0 I can’t move.\u00a0 I have no rhythm.\u00a0 I am so self conscious.\u00a0 I am so jealous of the fact that my boys can shake what their mama gave them and not be shy about it.\u00a0 They are pretty good movers and shakers too.\u00a0 Add my Adventist upbring… I had no hope.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Sanj and I always talked about taking ballroom dancing.\u00a0 Yet, my plan was to take it first alone… figure it out, at least a little bit and then do it as a couple… this way I figured I’d have a chance to at least keep up with Sanj… who is a natural.<\/p>\n

Nope.\u00a0 This is not the way it happened.\u00a0 2 other couple friends signed up for it and invited us.\u00a0\u00a0How fun!\u00a0 Then the stress factor came in.\u00a0 Sanj is an intense learner.\u00a0 I was so stressed about him feeling frustrated having me as his partner.\u00a0 (That whole high school thing again)…\u00a0 My heart was hurting all day thinking of the stress.\u00a0 I even devoted a lot of time praying… despite the fact that God likely had bigger things, like straving children, on His plate.\u00a0 I hate making a fool of myself, at least on purpose.<\/p>\n

First of all, our teacher is great.\u00a0 She is this young thing that just makes me feel like I can do it.\u00a0 The first dance we learned was the Box Step or the Waltz and some variations of it.\u00a0 I felt like I was the Reema of my freshman year in university looking at Sanj with those doe eyes… praying he would notice me… except this time I was praying that I didn’t let him down.<\/p>\n

Ok… all in all… I was very proud of myself.\u00a0 I DIDN’T have a heart attack!\u00a0 I had to watch his feet the whole time or I’d lose my footing ang after starting at Sanj’s feet so long, it looked like his shoes were both left feet!!!<\/p>\n

lol<\/p>\n

I also finally learned to let him lead!!! I can be a follower!\u00a0 And in the end, it actually had fun (sweated off few pounds just from the stress) and felt like I knew a dance.<\/p>\n

Then… the teacher said, “Now let’s learn the Cha Cha.”<\/p>\n

That was another whole story.<\/em><\/p>\n

Here’s the thing… I can over come fears.\u00a0 It’s just usually in my head.\u00a0 I mean, why do I care what others think?\u00a0 There will always be others better than me.\u00a0 Always! And while I still can’t “Dance like no one’s watching,…”\u00a0 <\/em>at least I am dancing!<\/p>\n

“Dance like no one’s watching. Love like\u00a0 you’ve never been hurt.\u00a0 Sing like no one’s listening and live like it’s heaven on earth.”<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

William Purkey<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n


\n<\/strong><\/em><\/div>\n

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“Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.” Japanese Proverb Over the years, I have discovered, grown, changed and conquered things that eventually made me whom I am today. \u00a0Not an easy feat. \u00a0I spent so much of my … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[189,1,10,13,140,15,11,55],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2324"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2324"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2324\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2332,"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2324\/revisions\/2332"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2324"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2324"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2324"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}