{"id":4244,"date":"2016-06-26T13:16:16","date_gmt":"2016-06-26T17:16:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=4244"},"modified":"2016-06-26T14:05:32","modified_gmt":"2016-06-26T18:05:32","slug":"loneliness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/?p=4244","title":{"rendered":"Loneliness."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"large_20-quotes-on-loneliness\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I am walking through a very interesting time in life. \u00a0It’s a time where I have been given a gift and part of that gift is dealing with the magnitude of events that have made me who I am today. \u00a0It’s a journey and walking through this path has been scary. \u00a0It has been so eye opening and paralyzing in some ways. \u00a0I am taking a journey in which I revisit places, \u00a0events, dramas and traumas that have all made me who I am today.<\/p>\n

As I have matured into the me of today, I have found that life can be and is a very lonely place a place where \u00a0best friends become friends and groups of girlfriends can come with such ferocity and then leave without notice. \u00a0Just a void is left. \u00a0I have often wondered what is wrong with me? \u00a0What am I doing wrong? \u00a0How can I have such a tight knit group of friends for years and then one day, literally become polite strangers? \u00a0I hate that awkwardness of bumping into each other and that weird hug that is forced.<\/p>\n

I wonder how a community we are so blessed to have eventually dissipates and we are left just going through the motions of belonging.<\/p>\n

Last night I found myself feeling so lonely. \u00a0This week I was in a group setting that once felt like home and found myself so lonely in a crowd.<\/p>\n

\u00a0loneliness |\u02c8l\u014dnl\u0113n\u0259s|<\/strong>
\nnoun<\/strong>
\n1 sadness because one has no friends or company: feelings of depression and loneliness.<\/strong>
\n\u2022 the fact of being without companions; solitariness:\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is not the definition of my loneliness. \u00a0As I looked up synonyms for loneliness I found words that just didn’t seem to fit.<\/p>\n

One that stuck out was homesickness. \u00a0I’m homesick. \u00a0It might seem weird that but I am homesick for that period that was so comfortable and homey. \u00a0I am homesick for a period that had no time for loneliness.<\/p>\n

I guess that means that I am not happy with the change. \u00a0Changes in life, in the boys lives, in our social circle are all making me miss yesterday. \u00a0I am missing a time when it all was like a puzzle with no pieces missing. \u00a0We had community and we were loved, welcomed and we fit.<\/p>\n

Maybe that’s it! \u00a0I feel like life is going on with a\u00a0missing piece of a puzzle. \u00a0Recently I finished a 1000 piece puzzle ( with lovely help) and at the end, when I was feeling excitement, I realized that ONE PIECE WAS MISSING!!! \u00a0It was so maddening. \u00a0I left it on the table for weeks, with the hope of finding that missing piece. \u00a0It never turned up. \u00a0I finally ended up tossing that puzzle. \u00a0It was so maddening it was incomplete and without purpose.<\/p>\n

I guess I am now at mid life and wonder about the relationships that left me hanging. \u00a0I wonder about how they feel. \u00a0I mean do they miss me? \u00a0How do people do that? \u00a0How do people become such a part of your life and then just choose to leave? \u00a0I know, some people come for seasons… but right now, I find little comfort in that.<\/p>\n

I love people. \u00a0With all my heart, I love people. \u00a0Then when they leave, it is weird. \u00a0There is a hole. \u00a0I hate that they have that ability to leave a hole. \u00a0The reality is that I loved them. and they left.<\/p>\n

We were at a restaurant in town, they \u00a0whole family, having supper one night. \u00a0Right next to us what a past friendship sitting there. \u00a0I know the family felt awkward for me. \u00a0I know that they felt my pain. \u00a0I know that countless times Sanj has said it was their loss. \u00a0I did the fake wave. I sat through the fake chatter. \u00a0Then they left. \u00a0We ate. \u00a0Then I felt a hug and kiss on my shoulder and cheek. They were leaving and decided to have that weird interaction. Me… I felt discombobulated. \u00a0I felt hurt. \u00a0I felt a void.<\/p>\n

Is it me? \u00a0I realize that we, having a large family, have kids in various stages of life. \u00a0I realize that life happens and people move on, yet the ones that you put effort into, shouldn’t they stay?<\/p>\n

I have felt this void and loneliness as I am on this journey right now of discovery. \u00a0 I realize that I am a people person. OK, I mean I have always been… but there are times now where that loneliness is huge even when I am with people.<\/p>\n

I am realizing that maybe it’s part of the journey. \u00a0I realize that sometimes, so much more now in the past months, I find myself being still inside, I find myself listening, I find myself feeling,I find myself really ready to do this, I find myself begging God to do His will.<\/p>\n

It’s different right now. \u00a0I know I have been living His will as best as I knew how … but it’s all changing. \u00a0I feel it.<\/p>\n

I guess as my boys are shifting rather quickly from boys to men, as life is changing from a comfortable place to an unfamiliar place, God is getting my attention. \u00a0Change is never comfortable, especially when the change is unknown, yet it is also exciting. \u00a0I am ready.<\/p>\n

I realize that loneliness is also a place where I go running to God. \u00a0Alone. \u00a0I love that. \u00a0Maybe it’s \u00a0not about loneliness \u00a0but about aloneness with God<\/strong>. \u00a0I am feeling things. \u00a0I suppose the unknown has never really been frighting to me. \u00a0I love change. \u00a0Yet in this case, I think that “Loneliness is God’s cry for intimacy. If you’re battling with loneliness, that’s God trying to get your attention.”-<\/strong>Pastor Jon French.<\/em><\/p>\n

God has been getting my attention lately. \u00a0I know that I am on an exciting journey, destination unknown, and I am ok with that. \u00a0God has never let me down. \u00a0Ever. \u00a0I need to remind myself of that sometimes. \u00a0He has never let me down. \u00a0No, He hasn’t answered all my prayers and I don’t know that reason in some cases but I am ok with that. Wow. \u00a0Yes, I am actually ok with it.<\/p>\n

Maybe there is someone else that is suffering through loneliness right now or maybe I just needed to write to work this all out! \u00a0God has been trying to get my attention. \u00a0I’m listen, Lord. \u00a0Sorry that sometimes You need to SHOUT IT OUT TO ME!<\/p>\n

I’m listening.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am walking through a very interesting time in life. \u00a0It’s a time where I have been given a gift and part of that gift is dealing with the magnitude of events that have made me who I am today. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,189,28,6,1,10,32,13,140,15,5,11,55],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4244"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4244"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4244\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4250,"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4244\/revisions\/4250"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4244"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4244"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livinglovingbreathingboys.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4244"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}