![\"Image](\"https:\/\/scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net\/v\/t1.0-9\/16602909_10155709127220828_4820605232495161649_n.jpg?oh=46b068b6693a89040808e0e3e50c59bf&oe=5906ECE3\")
<\/p>\nToday I went with Sammy to the court house.\u00a0 I watched as the judge looked at my son, judging him as a criminal and what would be an appropriate punishment for his “crime” of assault and threat to assault.\u00a0 I listened as Sammy’s lawyer, (who we had to pay a pretty penny\u00a0 before anyone would listen to him), spoke to the judge and listened to her semi-sarcastic response to my son.\u00a0 I walked out of the court room feeling a bunch of emotions and yet trying hard to suppress them from Sammy, knowing he had his own emotions, whatever they were to deal with.\u00a0 Sammy walked away with having to do anger management course, 50 hours of volunteer hours, and he is to stay away from both the “victims” homes, place of work and church.<\/p>\n
I am a parent that has raised my boys to be kind, respectful and understand how to treat others.\u00a0 Aside from their siblings, I must say that I’ve seen them grow to be respectful to others ( for the most part).\u00a0 Having no sisters, we, Sanj and I have always instilled in them how they are to treat women.\u00a0 We are old school.\u00a0 I like them to hold the door open for others (not just women).\u00a0 They have been taught to help carry bags.\u00a0 They have been taught to respect women.\u00a0 They know to treat other human beings with respect.<\/p>\n
Here’s the thing… my boys have started dating.\u00a0 My heart still pounds when I say that.\u00a0 Wow.\u00a0 I’m not sure when girls had cooties to now being the best thing ever.\u00a0 Three of my boys have been dating the last year and bit.\u00a0 Sammy startled me by dating someone in California.\u00a0 The whole online dating thing…. it is still pretty foreign to me.\u00a0 I remember realizing this is what was happening and feeling very uncomfortable.\u00a0 And yet… Sammy seemed happy and excited.\u00a0 About this time, 2 of my other boys were dating too.\u00a0 I must say this whole dating bit was a huge eye opener for me.\u00a0 I loved watching my boys with their girls and how their interaction was something I had never seen before.\u00a0 I loved watching my youngest acting totally grossed out as he watched his siblings interact with GIRLS!<\/p>\n
Here’s the thing about Sammy’s relationship, despite the fact that she was so far away, it seemed that they had a friendship that was great which made the relationship seemingly more special.\u00a0 In October, Sammy asked to go visit his girlfriend, I think for her birthday.\u00a0 Then he went again in January.\u00a0 Around this point, the GF (girlfriend) came to our house.\u00a0 She was very shy and quiet and kept to herself.\u00a0 Having been shy growing up (I know, hard to believe), I cut her some slack.\u00a0 I tried.\u00a0 I really felt good about my effort.\u00a0 I also figured with time, we’d be cool.<\/p>\n
Fast forward to September, Sammy decided to go to Ottawa for school and GF was to join him.\u00a0 I wasn’t too pleased with their idea of living together but … it was the plan was.\u00a0 (This isn’t really the issue of this post so I’m moving on)…<\/p>\n
There were a few times when things seemed to get ugly with them.\u00a0 I figured that Sammy was in school, working and being the social creature he was, this was hard on GF who moved there and for some reason I still don’t understand, didn’t get a job.\u00a0 Being an introvert, she was happy with Sammy coming home and them hanging out, the two of them.\u00a0 I figured that this was the kind of issues that many couples struggled with.<\/p>\n
There was one\u00a0 particular moment when Sammy asked us to come pick him up.\u00a0 He was very upset and said GF and him were done.\u00a0 We drove the 3ish hours to Ottawa, got a hotel and went to grab him.\u00a0 Unfortunately by this time, they seemed to talk it out.\u00a0\u00a0 Sammy asked if she could come to dinner and hang with us.<\/p>\n
Over this period of time, Sammy kept very quiet of his issues in his relationship.\u00a0 I could see that there were issues but they seemed like most normal couples that were trying to figure it out.<\/p>\n
I’m fast forwarding… the GF seemed to suffer from depression and was sent home.\u00a0 I’m not sure what happened if anything at home.\u00a0 After a bit, she came back.\u00a0 It seemed that absence made the heart fonder.<\/p>\n
They lived with us 2 months.\u00a0 Every week was the move out date.\u00a0 While I do not approve of this, I also didn’t want my kid on the streets, obviously.\u00a0 And yet I have 5 other boys that I am teaching and …. anyways.<\/p>\n
Over the time Sammy and GF lived with us, there was stuff I noticed.\u00a0 Weird stuff.\u00a0 And yet,\u00a0 Sammy kept things very quiet.\u00a0 I personal, did not see this as a happy relationship I wanted for my son, but at this point I also know that I can say things but ultimately, if I want us to be cool, I have to respect his decision.\u00a0 Ugh.<\/p>\n
Again, fast forward.\u00a0 They\u00a0 got a place, they were sharing with one of Sammy’s buddy that help with cost of rent etc.\u00a0 You know, what I have learned is that a mama’s instinct is usually right.\u00a0 I am not sure if this a God given thing but… I am learning trust my judgement rather than question myself.\u00a0 I pray for each of my boys.\u00a0 I pray for their GFs and their relationships.\u00a0 I pray and beg sometimes, for God to take care of my boys as young men and their women that will become part of their world.<\/p>\n
Thanksgiving evening, as we were literally all at the table with our family, Sammy calls me, telling me he’s not going to be able to make it.\u00a0 I heard his voice was off and yet since I had the turkey in my hand, I said ok… and hoped to see him later.\u00a0 THEN he asked for Jordan.\u00a0 HUH?\u00a0 Those two have not always gotten along so this surprised and alarmed me especially after I saw Jordan and Tyler heading out.<\/p>\n
Sigh.\u00a0 At 11:30 pm at night, my Sammy (my child that I gave birth too and love with all my heart) called, crying and telling me he had to tell me something horrible.\u00a0 OF COURSE my mind went to pregnancy.\u00a0 But nope… as I learned, there is something so ugly that can happen to your child that it breaks your heart.\u00a0 Literally.\u00a0 As I am typing this, my heart is racing and I find myself deep breathing.\u00a0 And yet as I write this with Sammy’s permission, I know that this is something that needs to be shared as it is that sad and sick.<\/p>\n
His GF had been hurting him.\u00a0 Since Ottawa, this girl has been physically ABUSING HIM!\u00a0 A lot.\u00a0 Over stupid things, she would lose it and become so physical and ugly.\u00a0 He would cover his face\/head and take it.\u00a0 Then after a bit, the GF would do the “I’m Sorry” bit.<\/p>\n
Here’s the thing… I lived with physical abuse.\u00a0 My mom was a battered woman.\u00a0 My dad had lots of issues and didn’t get help as he didn’t see the need.\u00a0 Along with physical abuse is the ugliness of mental abuse and guilt.\u00a0 If this was happening to a girl… can you imagine?\u00a0 I mean CAN YOU IMAGINE?\u00a0 I mean if my boy was hurting a girl, I can’t IMAGINE my reaction or thoughts.<\/p>\n
I am listening on the phone to my child, broken and telling us that this has been going on for over a year.\u00a0 Then I listened to him tell Sanj and I how since moving to Peterborough, GF had been cheating on him while he was at work.\u00a0 This night he reacted to GF’s physically violence of throwing a candle and salsa on him and then beating him… he grabbed her hands and begged her to just stop.<\/p>\n
This wasn’t the end.\u00a0 A guy was picking her up and taking her out.\u00a0 I am not sure about why it seems victims do this but Sammy was more upset at the boy coming and taking the GF out over the GF going out and cheating on him.\u00a0 Sammy texted this boy an ugly message. (A lesson learned).<\/p>\n
GF and the boy went to the police and accused Sammy of assault to the GF and threat to assault to the boy.\u00a0 This was why Sammy was telling us his stuff.\u00a0 The police were there in moments to arrest Sammy.\u00a0 Did you know only one person can charge … by the time Sammy got there to put his charges in… they wouldn’t listen to him.\u00a0 They had to deal with this first.<\/p>\n
My kid was bought into the police station in handcuffs.\u00a0 HANDCUFFS!\u00a0 We came in and had to wait as they drilled him with what he was being accused of.\u00a0 Then they released him to us.\u00a0 He was not allowed to go to his apartment.\u00a0 He was a criminal until he was proved otherwise.<\/p>\n
Do you get that my child did not raise his hand?\u00a0 Do you get that MY CHILD was being abused quite severely?\u00a0 After this was out… the truth that GF had been hurting him often and quite ugly all sorts of stories made sense.\u00a0 Now I understood WHY he asked so often to go to a chiropractor because the GF was jumping on his back, slamming him against the mental bunk, etc.\u00a0 This broke my heart. I thought when I had a break up in university I had gone through a heart break.\u00a0 WRONG!\u00a0 My child that I birth, a child that I fed, a child that I bathe, a child I taught, a child that I kissed hurts away and a child that I hugged was hurt by someone else, someone that said she loved him…that was what broke my heart.<\/p>\n
I got permission from my child to write this.\u00a0 I feel the need to write because as a mother of boys, SIX BOYS, they have all been taught to respect women.\u00a0 And men.\u00a0 Are we teaching our daughters (are children in general) that physical and mental abuse to a human being is EVIL.\u00a0 It is WICKED.\u00a0 IT IS INEXCUSABLE.\u00a0 There are enough that have this kind of sickness.\u00a0 Growing up with this, I can assure you there is no excuse.\u00a0 We as parents, know that if our child has this issue(s), MUST seek help.\u00a0 I am not even going to go there about this GF because I do not want to waste energy there.\u00a0 I will say that her own mother was physically hurt by her. Enough Said.<\/p>\n
I am so glad that the LAW keeps my Sammy away from this person.\u00a0 I am so glad and sad that we all learned this lesson the hard way.\u00a0 Yes, I said glad.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 I would hate for my sons to be involved with someone like this, stay in relationship and then spend a life time just as my mom and my siblings and I did.<\/p>\n
I am so glad there is help.\u00a0 We’ve had Sammy seek help and I know he has found this immensely helpful.\u00a0 I am not happy about the 50 hours of community service or the 2 classes he has to take (one being Anger Management… Yes I am lol at the irony, NOT).<\/p>\n
This GF still trys to reach out to Sammy.\u00a0 I would like to press charges on her, which we had to wait to do.\u00a0 And yet, my Sammy wants us to just let it go.\u00a0 SO I have to count on the law to do the Keep Away even though she doesn’t seem to be regarding the law very well. Again…. LOL NOT.<\/p>\n
Since this happened on Canadian Thanksgiving 2016, months have passed.\u00a0 I told Sammy I would like to write about this months ago.\u00a0 He agreed.\u00a0 And yet I have been unable to do so in a way that I know my God would be proud.\u00a0 SO I have had to wait.\u00a0 And Wait. And Wait.\u00a0 Yesterday as I watched my child walk up to the judge, a judge with kinda an attitude as she looked at each person, I wanted to yell out, YOU’VE GOT THE WRONG PERSONS HERE! And yet, we have to go through this.\u00a0 Sammy refuses to press charges. ( I must have done something right, lol).\u00a0 We did the whole court thing.\u00a0 I kissed him and dropped him off at home.<\/p>\n
Today I am writing.\u00a0 I am writing to all the parents of boys out there.\u00a0 Let’s teach our boys to be kind and respectful.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 AND YET… please!!!!\u00a0 Please let us teach our boys to love themselves enough to not be abused.\u00a0 Let us teach them there is no shame in this, in setting boundaries.\u00a0 They are not to be abused, period.\u00a0 The same rules that we have for girls about being treated with kindness and respect, this is for boys too.\u00a0 It is a human being kind of rule.<\/p>\n
There is so much I can write.\u00a0 There is so much that has been damaged.\u00a0 There is so much that was wrong that seemed to get away.\u00a0 And yet, you know, I am so grateful that my son came to us.\u00a0 I am so grateful that in the end, my boys, despite all the fighting and craziness, love each other and have each others back.\u00a0 I am grateful that my boys have friends that have their back.\u00a0 I am so grateful for the loyalty of a small town.\u00a0 I know I can’t write it all out, but I am so grateful that my boys being looked after.<\/p>\n
Sigh.\u00a0 I love my boys.\u00a0 That seems like a word not sufficient enough.\u00a0\u00a0 And yet, I am so grateful for a God that loves us beyond.\u00a0 I am grateful that God will forgive these mean people if they seek\u00a0 him.<\/p>\n
As you can see, I haven’t written in a while.\u00a0 Lots of reasons and yet here I am, sharing… because as a mom of Boys to Men… this is so important.\u00a0 Maybe I’m stupid and yet I never knew to express this to my boys.\u00a0 I guess I trusted.\u00a0 I guess I was naive.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today I went with Sammy to the court house.\u00a0 I watched as the judge looked at my son, judging him as a criminal and what would be an appropriate punishment for his “crime” of assault and threat to assault.\u00a0 I … Continue reading