My Crazy Pill

*** Posting this tonight ) a day early, to not take away from Zach’s birthday tomorrow.

I’m not sure how many years now, but I remember becoming very still when Clara Hughes did the commercial for Bell Let’s Talk.  One, she seemed like an introvert and I was impressed that “we” were coming out and talking about this.

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Do you know what I’m talking about?  Mental illness.  It has such an ugly stigma attached to it.  I feel like it’s something we may talk about in hushed tones, if we talk at all.

Here’s the thing, ever since I came to the realization that I need a happy pill, I’m a much happier person.  Maybe 5 years ago or so, there was a traumatic period in life.  It was such a crazy event and I didn’t even realize how life changing it was but I found myself have very bad, dark thoughts.  I found life and living very hard.  This has nothing to do with my husband and children, I adored them.   It was me.  The stuff happening inside me was so dark and scary and sad and I just didn’t know how to deal with any of it or even what I was dealing with.

Sigh.  Wow.  Even just typing this, is making my heart pound and my head hurt remembering.

I thought I was going crazy.  I wish we could change the words mental illness because maybe more people would be ok with seeking help.  I was having a meltdown of sorts and didn’t even  know if I could fit it into my every day world.

I went to the doctor.  I was scared.  I love when you think you’re the only one in the whole world suffering with something and yet listening to me, my doctor reassured me that I was suffering from postpartum depression, which eventually lead to depression and anxiety.  Me!  I’m such an easy going person.  Me, depressed?  Crazy.

OK…  I have stuff that runs in our family history, just like many others.  It’s life.  It’s genetics.  It’s part of living here.

Once I figured out life with my crazy pill… I was me again.  Happy.  Crazy.  Full speed ahead.

Here’s the thing, I went on and off it … trying to figure out if I needed it long term or short term.  When I went off it… it wasn’t good.  I really felt crazy,  out of control.  It was hard to come to the realization that I needed a crazy pill.

Here I am today.  The crazy pill (my affectionate name for my sidekick) is a part of my daily life.  People seem appalled when I bring my crazy pill into conversation… but it is a part of me.  I am ok with dealing with the inconvenience of mental illness.  I’m ok with needing help in the form of my crazy pill. I’m so glad that there IS help now a day.

If I had a migraine, I’d find something to stop them.  So why would I not seek help with depression, anxiety  or any other fears?  Sometimes it’s the best thing … talking to someone, especially if you aren’t sure what’s happening.

Today, I’m so grateful for BELL, LET’S TALK …

I’m here if you need someone to take that baby step with… or simply join in the conversation and let’s embrace the fears that are out there as far as mental illness goes.

*** my email is sukreema@hotmail.com

This entry was posted in #metoo, choices, crazy pill, faith, Family, General, God and I, love, Marriage, moments, Reema Sukumaran, relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

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