I Love You!
Three of my favorite words. Other favorites or “You’re SO Obnoxious!” “Get Outta Here!” These are words or phases that you will hear me say.
The other day I was explaining my friendship to someone… you know the kind where you love them, they really are your friend but (yah, the BUT) you may not choose to be with them all the time… in this case because they exhaust me. Too much energy and I find that I need to be emotionally prepared to be with them and enjoy.
She says to me “You don’t love her… you use that word to much. You can’t love that much.”
I have been pondering these words. Do I use the word love to much? Am I trivializing it?
I have lived in many different places. I have many so many friends that have spanned the last 20+ years. Most people are lucky if they have one very close friend. People of call this person their best friend. I have learned that rather than one best friend (whom I would name Sanj as the lucky recipient of that dubious title).
In high school I had one friend that I would say I was very close to. I think I have talked of her before… our friendship was very one-sided. I was the one who always talked about life, my thoughts, my crushes etc. She listened. She was a very good listener. Being a victim of abuse… she had her shield on constantly. Did I love her? Yes. I loved her for many reasons but mostly because when I was with her… I was real. I didn’t get to be me very often back then.
In university… I had a group of girlfriends. I had different levels of intimacy. I loved them dearly. How I miss them and just that time of always being together… always knowing someone had my back… always having a shoulder to cry on. I love them.
They were family. They were my family. Time has come and gone but with each of them I can pick up and just be… me.
There was a time after university and before marriage that I was floating. Not sure of what I was going to be and do I was just being… I was so glad that I had my friends to call and write. This was back in the day before email and texting! Despite the distance, as we went looking for our calling in life we still loved and lived. That is a bond that is still there with most of them.
I have my girlfriends that I have a different closeness to. We were two peas in a pod. Everyone knew we were sidekicks. Life has come at us in so many different ways, yet we are still as close as ever. That is small few that I would call my sisters. We have been there so many things and came out stronger in our love and friendship. These are the women I know that I will be on my porch sitting on my rocker, remembering the “good ole days” with.
I have many friends. It is one of the blessings I am so grateful for. It is one of those things money could never buy. Friendship and love.
In my present day, there are so many I love. It is a different kind of love. It is a sisterhood of love that comes from being on the journey of motherhood, wife and friend. There are teachers that I have grown to love and respect over time for their kindness, life experiences and generosity with both of those things.
There are parents that are going through the experience of motherhood that have become true pillars of strength and advice that I have come to love.
Of course there are so many friendships that start off as just having something in common…. that over the years grow into love and relationship.
So so I use the phase “I love you” loosely. Maybe to some. But I don’t think so. I love to love. I have the ability to love big and little. I have the ability to allow people into my life knowing there is a chance of hurt and pain. But I also truly believe that I would have rather loved you for a bit and become a bigger and better person for that moment of love than constantly shutting the door being to scared.
My husband is one of those people that constantly questions love. “How do you know you love your mom?” he has asked me as he questions it all… yet I just know that IF I DIDN”T LOVE YOU… I WOULD KNOW!
Love IS really what makes my world go round. I am so blessed to have so many that love me and that I can love back.
It really is worth the hurts and pains… you would not get to be you today if it wasn’t the pains of the past….
Love and Be Loved.