Hard Loving!!!

Today is FRIDAY!!! It really is my favorite day of the week.  I especially love Friday nights because we have nothing on and it is so nice to just put my pajamas on by 5 pm and hang out with the males that may be home.

This week was busy.  I had so much I need to accomplish before I start on a project that I am working on (more on that later).  I did manage to accomplish complete most of the laundry and left is a huge project of moving rooms around which will result in the boys having their own room.

Today was Grandparents Day at the boys school (the younger 2).  It’s always a busy day and one that my boys appreciate as they are excused by lunch and off we go to eat and then it’s an early start to the weekend.  My mom  couldn’t make it this year and my in-laws didn’t come.  So Josh had the youngest fill in grandparent there- Tyler! lol  So cute.

Some of the grandparents know us as we have been at the school forever… (three more years left)!!!  I get such interesting questions.  Now people ask me about the girls in our world.  Here’s the thing, I hear dads all the time saying things about hurting anyone that messes with their “little girl,” so why is it when I say something similar I hear, “Oh, you’re one of those moms.”  Huh?  I struggle with the double standard there is out there.  I mean, how come it’s ok for the girl to hurt my babe and I am suppose to just sit there?  Uh uh!  If you hurt my boy, I will not forget.  I mean, my boy may forgive and may be foolish enough to let it go but I will remember.  Here’s the thing,  if you make may baby cry, I will not forget.  How is that unreasonable? Moms have memories of an elephant.  I struggle with the young love.  Oh I know, I was there are one time.  I was an idiot, over and again.  Smh.  I wish I could go back and do it again.  I wish that girls could understand that boys are emotional and break too.  They have hearts that suffer with ugliness and meanness.  They have needs and wants too.  And yet in our society they have a lot of expectation.  As a mom of boys, I find some of it ridiculous.

OK… this is a generalized post… so girls that are in my boys lives, I’m not talking about any one of  you specifically.

I found my journals of yesteryear and wow I had a blast reading my foolishness.  I loved Sanj forever!!! My sil asked me (she and I have been friends since high school), “If you knew you would end up with Sanj, what would you have done different?”

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!  Well, growing up as we did, I grew up with no self esteem.  I mean – NONE.  I felt ugly, useless, stupid, dumb and very alone.  I never thought I was lovable. (The reality is if your father doesn’t love or show you love… the reality is you are going to feel unwanted, period).  I told my dad, as I walked down the isle to Sanj on my wedding day, as my dad was handing me off, “I love you.”  I so needed to hear it from him, once.  My dad’s reply was, “Thank you.”  Sad.  I, of course, I understand so much now but the reality was still reality.  Had I known I was going to have  this life with this amazing human that I get to call my husband, I would have lived harder.  I wouldn’t have been so consumed with boys.  I mean, I got the best, what is the point of looking any further?  I would have hoped that being secure in Sanj’s love, I would have traveled more, played harder and lived freer.

I do see a difference in my boys, coming from a “loving” home.  They have confidence.  They have a mom that loves them hard.  I’m sure it drives them crazy and yet it is who I am… lol I do tend to love hard.  I want my boys to know without a shadow of a doubt that they are loved and cherished.  They are wanted and needed and part of a family.  They would be missed so much if their presence was missing.  Sometimes, I will ask them, individually, “Do you know I love you?”  And can I tell you how much I adore the annoyance in their voice, with a possible eye roll, “YES MOM!”  It is the best answer, ever!  The annoyance means it’s always there!!!  YES!

I realize this post is kinda all over the place but that is me!

And of course, the boys have a dad that loves them to pieces too but this is my post. Sanj can write his own!!!

I started by talking about the girls that are in my boys world.  I talked about them feeling hurt.  Ugh.  I remember that ugly feeling of a break up.  I hope and wish (yes, though I know it is unrealistic) that my babies will find the perfect girl for them with out their hearts being broken or hurt.  I know this could happen if they would just LET ME PICK the lady!!! HEHE!  My point in this post is that if you are lucky enough to be born into a family that loves each other, in words, in actions, in fighting and in loving, it’s a gift.  I’m so glad my boys will never know just how lucky they are.  I hope that they will find a lady that loves them HARD and this continues into the next generation.  I hope that the cycle of not feeling love is broken here.

love hard

I just let out a huge sigh.  I am so grateful to God for hearing my prayers as a little girl.  I am so grateful I have a God that I can turn to.  It is such a gift, love.  If you have a love in your life… stop and appreciate that gift.  It doesn’t  have to be a mate, it can be a parent.  God is so good.

This entry was posted in Boys, choices, faith, Family, General, God and I, love, Marriage, moments, motherhood, Parenting, Reema Sukumaran, relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

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