Stupid Cancer, Angels and Parenthood

Oh my goodness.  What a week it has been!  By Wednesday I was done.  And I had two more sleeps to get through.  Monday and  Tuesday consisted of one of my sons having a HUGE meltdown.  You know (or maybe you don’t know) the kind that shakes you to the core? The kind that makes you have a meltdown? The kind that makes you question what the heck you are doing parenting? Yes, it was ugly.  I am so grateful for friends that I can bounce things off, for friends that love my kids and can be there when I am not or when they don’t want me.  For friends that don’t judge.  For friends that understand that praying – when there is nothing else to do- really does work.  Yesterday, kid that I wanted to give way, came and apologized.  Wow, motherhood!  It’s not for the weak at heart.  Be warned.  Of course unless you have perfect kids, then I probably really hate you. 🙂

Wednesday ( a word I always spell wrong regardless of how hard I try to get it right) was the day I took my FIL to TO for his appointment.  I’ve said it before, it’s a grueling day of doing nothing but waiting and yet the most exhausting day, ever.  My FIL was finished with his first bout of treatments.  Unfortunately, he thought he was done with chemo.  🙁  The doc comes in and tells him now he is to started his second course of chemo, a little milder dosage.  Then she said words that I will likely never forget.  She told him he had 72 treatments in this next set, once every 3 weeks.  Isn’t that like a year and some?  Isn’t that forever?  Those were my thoughts.  My poor FIL looked shocked and overwhelmed.  In that moment I felt my heart hurt, for him.  After hearing this news, we went to get his treatment of a lumbar puncture… yup, they hunch him over and tell him to hold still while the stick a huge long needle in his spine and push more chemo.

Don’t me wrong.  I am so grateful that my FIL is a strong man.  He handled this like someone half his age.  He is one of the healthier people in the waiting room.  We have been given a gift.  Every day is a gift.

Then I hear that one of my dear friends that I have such a heart for (she is the first person  that took my boys, all of them – ages 6-1 something crazy like that, and gave me a break.  Just time to literally do nothing. And she wasn’t overwhelmed with them.  She’s from a family of 6).  I will never forget that gift.  Last week her dad died.  Brain cancer, died one week after being diagnosed.  She adores her parents.  I know she’s heartbroken.  My heart has been aching for her.  Today is the funeral.   Sammy and a friend will go with me to TO.  They were classmates with one of her sons.  My heart is breaking for her and her family.

Then it’s Friday.  You know, my favorite day of the week. Except I am not ready for it.  We have one of our cousins and family coming for the weekend.  We love them. And are so excited.  But I haven’t grocery shopped.  I don’t even have a menu.  I feel unprepared.

And yet… this week is over.  In all of it, I have been able to see God’s hand.  Oh, can I tell you a little ( but really a huge) God sighting?  Yesterday I was backing out of the boys high school.  I was full of thought.  I changed from reverse to drive and then realized that I was literally inches from bashing into a car behind me that I didn’t see, that was in the blind spot.  And because I didn’t see any vehicle, I reversed faster… so had I  hit that car, impact and damage would have been significant.  I know… really know… my angel was standing there behind my car… saving me from a event that would have been so horrid to cope with.  It’s the little things some times that can make or break you.  I’m so grateful to have faith that there is Someone much bigger than me, that has my back.  And with that knowledge, I can face tomorrow.

This entry was posted in Boys, choices, faith, Family, God and I, love, moments, motherhood, Parenting, Reema Sukumaran. Bookmark the permalink.

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