The whole process of making plans to find a new home has lost its appeal. We found a house… that was perfect for us. 3 acres, lots of space in the house to accommadate a house full of busy boys, a great area for hockey in the basement… the list goes on.
The price was right because of the work that needed to be done. So we worked our butts off to ready our house to go on the market. We put in our offer… wouldn’t you know it… there is another offer. This house has been listed for MANY months. NOW there is another offer?
Well despite the fact that we offered more than the asking price, the other offer had no house to sell!
This was heartbreaking for us. Our agent (and friend) warned us not to move in figuratively of course… but too late.
After our agent told us, he said they have between 10-12 am to call us back. Well I stayed up… praying, bargaining, begging… with God… of course if it was His will. At 12am I finally turn off the light and “give up.” 9 minutes later the phone rings! IT IS A MIRACLE!!! I just KNEW that God would come thru… reward my faith. It is the wrong number.
I am so tired. Physically, emotionally and especially spiritually. I need one, God, so badly. I am tired of it ALL having to be so hard, everything. I had the faith of mountains. I always believed. I never doubted. (thus my 6 sons… I was sure God would answer my prayers for a girl). Does it have to be this hard? To believe?
Then there are the things I do not ask… or even perhaps want… such as having a father raised from the dead…for what?
More expectations, hopes and then disappointments. Why? Did I really need more of that?
I need to win one. I really need to see a miracle… to nurture that mustard seed.