This Mother’s Day has been a little different from the rest… maybe because my first child has fled the coop. I feel his absence in a way I never thought was possible. As long as I could remember, I couldn’t wait to be a mama. I remember after Sanj and I got married, thinking how annoying it would be to have to wait some 2 ish years or more that most seem to wait. I wanted a baby now!!! Then it seemed like great minds think alike… we decided to go ahead and try and bam… we were pregnant. I was so thrilled. I remember how I couldn’t wait to be big enough to wear maternity clothes- and they were ugly… not the cute stuff of today. I loved being pregnant. I never felt more beautiful than I did when I was pregnant.
Today Mother’s Day Weekend… I can’t celebrate me and motherhood without celebrating the beings that allow me this honour….
Samuel Peter- My little being who taught me to love like I never knew possible… I mean he consumed my world. I loved to just stare at him… forever and loved that he stared back, understanding that my world revolved around his little 6 and some pound being. Sammy had and continues to have such a huge personality. He is confident, engaging and a real people person. He has a big heart and loves big. He has a real gift with kids and I can easily see him being a dad of 6ix girls!!!! loll Sammy taught me to love that unconditional love that Jesus loves us, His children. He has taught me that love is letting go, love is letting him fly knowing, hoping and believing that my love for him is a boomerang — I’m letting him soar— knowing that he will always know home and mama are here open armed ready for him.
Matthew Tyler- From a little babe, we called Tyler, our gentle giant. He was such a mama’s boy. He was a very nervous child that loved his family and not much more. He loved nature and was a lover of elephants and triceratops. He was of an obsessive nature and taught me patience x 10000000. He didn’t even understand himself. He is a defender of his brothers. I remember taking the boys to a community play group. A boy kept taking toys my boys were playing. His mom was not playing attention. After the third time of “being polite” Tyler stood up tall — his little 3-4 year old self and said to the boy, “My BROTHER is playing with that truck!” Oh my goodness… I remember my mama heart puffing out so proud!!! Despite of his anxiety of others, he stood up and defended his brothers. Tyler has taught me to find patience that I never knew I had to deal with things that are unknown and foreign. He was a very specific child and very picky. He taught me to love unconditionally regardless of how crazy things got. He taught me that my mothering was effective. He is a defender of his family. He is a defender of his mama. We are so different. And yet we have the same heart.
Jordan Michael- Michael is a crazy name to spell… e before a or a before e… oye! It’s the one that looks weird, Jordan told me. Jordan is my boy that I think is the most like Sanj over me. He is a musician, enjoys being in the “dungeon” like Sanj, alone, making music. He was an easy going baby and a very stubborn toddler. STUBBORN! I wasn’t sure how to parent this little being that had more willpower than body mass!!! I would eventually just put him in his room and tell him to have a time out till he could join the rest of us and be normal. That was my first mistake! Normal? My family— we just don’t do normal!!! lol Jordan would eventually holler, “Mommy- I’m sorry, can I come down?” My mama conscious would freak out!!! I totally forgot he was up there, it had been a long time!!! SMH! This boy has a confidence I am so proud of… because there’s not that ugly arrogance attached. The boy has some serious talent…. all passed down from his dad. He has always been an independent one… but occasionally just needs his mama. I remember JK… Jordan was so excited about going to his big brothers school and had no anxiety or tears the other two may have had. I was so proud! The first day of school ended and all the parents were congregated in the hall, chatting away. Then we heard this horrid sound— a broken hearted child wailing. I remember so clearly laughing to the parent beside me saying, “Someone’s not happy!” Then seconds later, I see his teacher coming to me telling me that Jordan’s having a hard time leaving his indoor shoes at school. Oh My! lol My poor child totally melted down, on the mat by the door, holding his beloved Spiderman shoes he had been so excited to buy! So precious! With the older two in school, I forgot that I needed to break it down for this little man too. Needless to say, Spiderman shoes came home and we were about to prep my little JK man about the indoor shoes staying at school. Yup… sometimes he needs his mama! Jordan has taught to see, be quiet and listen with my heart, since he is the child so different from me… and yet we speak the same language of our hearts. His has a big heart. He is a lover and a giver and if I listen and watch I hear things I may have missed.
Maxwell David- This boy has been a sweet child for 14 years. Max has always been a quiet child that didn’t cause us grief, was always defender of his mom and my shadow. Then he entered high school. Not sure where my sweet little man went but taking his place is a confident, funny, corky, weird boy to man who seems to have hair growing on his face and elsewhere. My little boy has gone and in his place is the half man that is onto workout and decorating his room with Value Village cast offs and who has a very off sense of humour. He is very comfortable with his own company. He has to be careful that his weird humour is not offensive. He has many talents though music and art are not he’s God given gifts… but we love that he puts his heart into it! He is kind, thoughtful and Josh best buddy as he will humour Josh like no one else came. Though 14, if I am lucky, I get a hug or fist bump from him still, time to time. Max has taught me to let it go and laugh. He decorating style (a whole post will be coming on this )… nope… certainly not anywhere near my taste… or that of most sane people… but it makes him happy and so I need to accept it with a laugh and let it go. It’s Max that is sleeping with a 10 pound bag of basmati rice hanging precariously over his head… a concussion waiting to happen… but with that concussion will be a hilarious, tears rolling down our face story!!! SMH!!! Love this boy’s humour, as warped as it it!!!!
Zachary Thomas- This child of mine who is sitting on that fine line between boy and teen is my most independent of child, even from a babe. He is full of energy and loves all things physical and moving— especially yearning for a dirt bike. He is the one that uses our land most – driving the utility vehicle like a trained pro- he will pass though for his license with flying colours! He is my boy that is also social and loves being with people. He is my child with very expensive taste, it often startles me! lol He loves shopping! He loves his family. He loves…. He is the one that gets picked on the most… And yet he will do anything for his brothers. He is a hardworking boy. He loves working along side of Sanj… putting up the rink, cleaning the garage, taking dump runs… He is a daddy’s boy. He is a mama’s boy who hates seeing me upset. Zachary has taught me about forgiveness… about family and loving hard. He loves his brothers so much. It hurts me to see how hard he is able to love. Loving hard is a such a beautiful character trait… one that Zach reminds me to emulate.
Joshua Daniel- Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. Do you know my Josh? I mean really know him? There aren’t too many that really know my dear Josh. I am actually stumped on what to say. lol This boy — this big boy is a mama’s boy. He loves me. Period. He can’t stand to think that I am mad at him. It hurts to the core to consider that his mama may be truly ticked off at him or his antics. He loves to be by my side… if you look up Reema’s Shadow, you’ll likely see my Josh’s picture right there. He is a home body. He hates school. He’d rather hang out at home- period. He loves WWE. Maybe a better term is obsessed with it. He knows all the characters and lingoes and whatever else is part of that world. I can’t believe that I actually have spent many a time watching WWE with my boy. He is a true giant of a boy and has had to learn to be gentle with people. I have learned so much from my youngest. I have learned to love till it hurts from Josh. I have learned to love despite being exhausted. I have learned that there is still something in you to give, even when you think there isn’t. I have learned to love … more than i thought possible … from this boy… my youngest boy.
You have blessed me beyond. I am totally dependent on You, as I journey through motherhood, hoping for the best for my babies, knowing that YOU love them more than I am ever capable of. I love you so much for this life … as I know. I am grateful that You believe in me. It is my only hope… lol most days… and a daily reminder that I must look UP or I will never make it. Thank you for motherhood. My boys. My Sanj. And Jesus… for You!!!