Ramblings…

I have so many thoughts running through my head and I have started a post many times and left it as I couldn’t put anything sensible down. SO I am just going to rambling because I need to write!

Writing has been my therapy from my university days. I am not sure what made me start but it revealed my love, no my need to write. I started using my daytime planner for my thoughts rather than my schedule. I would write a paragraph on whom I saw around campus, my phone call home or a sentence or two about my thoughts. I did this for a couple of years and then those couple of paragraphs became pages of thoughts that made way into notebooks.

Looking back I see therapy came in a few forms for me, even though I didn’t realize it. One was the hours of sharing and listening to roommate(s) and friends over the years at school. Sharing made my world less lonely and slowly showed my that most don’t have a perfect reality, at least no if they were honest. The other thing was journaling (writing) became a necessity. I had shared, vented, hoped and celebrated in the pages of those journals. Instead of “Dear Diary” mine was “Dear Jesus.” This was another way of reaching out to God, making my thoughts slow down and chat with Him. I know this was huge in helping my relationship with God grow at such a fundamental age.

As I read some of my journals over the years, it is astounding and humbling to see God’s hand at work years before I saw it, or knew even knew I needed or wanted something.

Journaling continued from university to marriage and I found myself writing more so when I was unhappy. Venting, primary because time didn’t allow for much. I regret this simply because one of the best things about journaling is going back … and seeing that Hand of God in action.

Kumar, my youngest brother began a blog ( many moons ago when blogging started). I loved his stories and enjoyed this peek into his world that normally wouldn’t be possible. He eventually encouraged me to blog myself. This started another form of writing for me. I would write down stories of the boys or life as it was happening.

The struggles I had were sometimes posted on my blog. Lately as I have been slowing overcoming or finding help for those struggles, it has again been so incredible to see how much God was present, even when I was at my lowest and loneliest.

We each have different forms of expression. For Sanj, it is his music. After a bad or stressful day, I can hear him playing usually something in a minor key, as it is melancholy and depressing (LOL) to me. And yet it is how he pours out his “thoughts.”

I have always wished I was artistic, that I could draw or paint. Or even dance but I am grateful that I can pour words on a page and feeling a bit lighter.

Ramblings… I will admit this felt good. Just writing… Do you have a way that you express yourself?