Balancing Act

Remember asking your parents… “Who do you love more?” and the reply was always along the lines of’ “I love you all equally.”
OK that is a load of doodoo. I don’t think that is the honest answer. Or maybe I am just different (which of course is not a secret)! I have thought of that question and the real answer.

With 6 children, each so different, I have to try really hard to make sure to “love them” conscientiously. What I mean by that is, take Max, for example, he is a quiet child, soften spoken and kind of a loner. He likes a quiet space and playing with his toys.
I have to stop and think, did I physically hug him, tickle him or tease him? This is his love language.

Then there is Sammy, who is very huggy and verbal child. He will still come and sit on our laps and snuggle, say I love you and it is a impulse to simply love him back. He is never short of love. But he needs to be reassured after he has done something impulsive and driven us crazy.

So I am always checking myself. Did I love all my children enough today? I know that they are the best thing that has happened to me but there are many times they drive me bonkers and I don’t hesitate to let them know.

But do I love them equally? I would have to say that isn’t really even a fair question. No I don’t. I can’t. They are too different to love equally. It is not even a realisitic question. But I love each of them differently with all my heart. I am sure if there was a scale to measure the love for each of them in their different ways, it would be equal. But I am not sure.

I know I don’t like them all equally. Some of them I just don’t get. Then others are so me that I don’t like that either.
I think it is ok to not like your children 100% of the time. But to accept them as they are is my lifelong goal. They are not me and will not have my experiences to shape them. They will have their own and I have to realize and accept that I will not understand or know of all of them. That is a hard one.

Yes, I do have favorites, but that changes daily, sometimes hourly.

Phew, that is stressing me out. I can’t imagine each of them having pains and hurts that I can’t kiss or put a bandaid on. But I know that I need to make sure they know that I will love them even if I don’t like them at that moment.

It is a balancing act. It is one I hope I am not messing up. I love them so much. I love them each 100% yet very differently.

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