After a period of lows for me personally, my mountains of faith turned into a mustard seed. Apparently, that is all you need. Yet for me it was a horrible feeling to not have faith simply carry me. I was having a temper tantrum with God. My relationship with Him is so childish I am embarrassed sometimes. I am so glad that He is patience and long suffering.
I have found it so easy to pray for others and even believe that He will come thru with huge miracles. Yet as grateful as I am for these answered prayers, I have realized that I never really gave God credit for those answered prayers. Maybe because they did not affect me directly.
A friend of mine was on death’s door literally many times this last year. I remember crying all night at the thought of her death, begging God to heal her. Her ministry was so special I could not imagine my world with out her. I could not image the pain the family would suffer.
Well, she is alive and well. It really is a miracle. While I was so thankful to God for this miracle I didn’t see the full picture. This was one of MY prayers being answered. There were hundreds of prayers for her… but one of those was mine and it was answered.
I have not been giving God credit for all the things I have prayed for that He has answered. Maybe because it is not me directly or a prayer that is a big one to me.
But as I sit back and think of people in my life I pray for, I HAVE to be so thankful for the prayers He continues to answer.
I am so ungrateful and childish.
So with our house experience I was determined to simply let it be. I told God I know and He knows our wants and needs. I am leaving this in His will and hands.
There have been many ups and down in the last three months. But with each disappointment there is eventually understanding. I have felt such peace in place of stress and angst. When I am getting too excited… I just have said… “OK God, this is all You.”
We sold our house within in two months (even though it really did feel like a whole year)! And we got a great price. I have been able to have peace about being homeless. I have been able to get back to Trusting 101. It feels so good. I am trying so hard not to read things that aren’t there. This is one of my biggest flaws… looking for signs everywhere.
I want to HEAR God clearly. My huge disappointments of past were of my own creations. Yet I still could not help being so anger at God. I am learning to LISTEN and simply be. I am learning that answers will come if I am patient. I am learning.
It just takes the faith of a mustard seed… then letting it slowing grow, being patient. God is teaching my patience. I never asked that of Him… I hate the lessons in patience. Obviously He seem to think I need to grow in that area. I am coming along.
Lord, thank you for the MANY prayers you have answered that I never thanked you for. Thank you for being so patient. Thank you for not giving up on me.