I have to admit I was very scared about the idea of having a life coach. I thought it was kind of foo-foo and not something I could see as having a positive influence on me. Well once again, I shouldn’t judge before I have given something a fair chance.
Now I must say that my doctor is truly gifted and knows when to push and when to let go. She believes in me and my ability to conquer my “soul misery” and live life fully.
I love that she is a strong Christian and yet very out of the box. Her methods are different then any thing I have tried and most have worked for me. The one I did not try … was because I was a chicken. Sometimes I groan inwardly when she asks me to draw something… as I see it. I am not an artisitc person so that always freaks me out. Yet once I draw or even scribble my feelings on what ever she has asked me to, it makes perfect sense.
What I like about coaching is I have the feelings and answers with in me. She is just asking, prodding and coaxing them out of me. Sometimes she asks me something I never asked myself and then wonder why I have not questioned the most obvious things.
I like that she is not telling me how to feel or what to do. She asked me why I feel feel the way I do with many things especially in relation to my parents and middle brother. Usually the answer is always guilt or obligation.
She made me realize that I DON’T have to have any one in my life out of duty if their behavior is destructive or I feel unsafe. Rajiv is the middle child in our family. He has always been a corky child. Then after high school he began his journey down the wrong way. I am not sure if he could even help it. The things he chose to do and then brag about was always scary.
Normal people do not think to do such things… ever. And continuing to do things that are destructive is an illness. Yet it was/is never his fault. Weird how it took me SO MANY years of enabling him to realize we were not helping.
After a encounter with him in Tennessee last summer while my dad was supposedly dying, I left feeling very violated by him and scared. He had become my father in ever sense of the word. I left TN fearing for my safety and that of my children.
The law will not help unless something happened here. Threatening e-mails did not count. I refuse to live in fear any longer. No one has the right to lay a hand on me EVER AGAIN. So I had to make a choice.
My coach reassured me that no one who makes me feel unsafe has a right in my life. Brother or not. He has never been an easy person to like and love is a word that is too big to tackle. I have always helped or had him in my life because I felt sorry for him.
Yet there is help if he so chooses. He so often would say I am not going to take meds, God is going to help me. Or the issues always lay with everyone else.
No one has the right to make me feel unsafe. I have let go of my brother having an active part in my life. I say active because I can’t help but think of him and pray for him. But he will never have a relationship with my children. No one has the right to hurt the innocent.
Coaching is helping me redefine what is acceptable. God is giving me the strength to live thru my resolutions. It is the hardest thing… to let go of family. It is so hard to break a cycle of what seemed normal and to realize what IS normal.