I Heard Him…

If you follow me, you know that this passion is about sexual assault, the #metoo movement, #churchtoo #pastoralabuse.  I am grateful that God has given me strength to speak up about this issue and to be a voice for many that cannot speak about their pain and abuse.

This morning I was reading a powerful article by a lady that had horrible abuse by her father and then this continued to be abused by different men in her life as she went to the different phases of life.  It spoke to me.  It reminded me that this #metoo movement is not going away.  It is gaining momentum as more women (and men) feel empowerment at the injustice that is so huge and wide spread.  I think that suddenly, those that have been abused, realize that they are not alone!  It is really a lonely place to be.  It is a place of self loathing.  It is a place of needing to forgive yourself and yet not finding that power to do so.  OK, I can obviously go on with this … but I am getting distracted about the point of this post.

I have forever said I am going to write a book.  FOREVER!  I probably have written a few version of the book I am wanting to write and then I discard it.  Now is the time.  I know this is the time and am ready.  I made myself a nook at the office so that I head to work with the family and have a time carved out to write with no household distracts.  I find that being around people is something that helps me.  So, this is where I am at.  On top of all this, I know that God is and has been nudging me to get going.  All the obstacles are out of the way.  I have the support of Sanj who is very tolerate of all my projects.  Some I complete, others fall by the way side.  So I am sitting here in my nook….

This morning as I was reading this article, I was flooded with doubt.  I mean MAJOR doubt.  Have you read my husband’s stuff?  He writes so beautifully and uses big words!  I read my brother’s stuff and there are such powerful thoughts I wonder how we are related.  I read this article, saying stuff that I want to say and found myself in a mode of panic.  I was letting God know this, as I stood in the shower ( the quietest time of my day).  I know He knows all my thought and emotions and yet in this moment I was flooded with insecurities.

I love how people come up with quotes that become well known.  I wish I could think of something cool that Toby Mac has on his sites or Maya Angelo, or Abraham Lincoln.  As I stood there, full of doubt, ready to go into a full on panic attack (well, not like before), I had this thought…

If God calls you, He will empower you.

I walked out of the shower and felt shaky (not from low blood sugar).  I felt held up.  I felt a huge WOW moment.  God just reassured me!  I am not one that will say God spoke to me… of course He has but it has been different.  This time, I know God was promising me that He is calling and He will give me what I need.  I felt kind of giddy.  (If you know me,  you know that I can get very excitable, easily).

SO…. I am writing this for a reason.  I am going into this with faith.  Maybe not as small as a mustard seed, but it is small.  Yet my excitement is full on.  So, I am going to quit stalling and DO IT.  I am writing this 1) because I am excited to really HEAR God’s voice loud and clear 2) to ask if you will pray for me and for this project and 3) please buy my book  (here is where I hear Sanj’s voice telling me not to get ahead of myself…lol).

Thank you ahead of time!


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