When I Grow Up, I Want To Be…


When I know I have to get up, I don’t sleep well. So at 5 a.m. I am up… asking Sanj if he is going to the gym? Not today.

How he gets up this early is beyond me! I am so not a morning person. I was really stressed today too. I just didn’t want anything to go wrong. I didn’t want Josh to be too scared. I didn’t want he to be in too much pain. Since there was nothing I could do, I just prayed and worried.
He is so sad to miss school. I am a little sad about that. I really want to just lay in bed and snuggle with my once momma’s boy.
Tyler and Jordan had soccer games during school today. They had fun, played hard and I felt bad to miss the action.
I haven’t been to the office in a bit. I think so far I have only worked 3 days! Good thing I have an in with the boss!
Over the last year, as the time came for my kids to be off to school… I heard so many comments about being a stay at home mom.
Things are changing now, but not to long ago, it was not the minority that stayed home. When Sammy went to JK at Rhema, the program was just T/TH till noon. We loved that. Just to dip their toes into the big world but still they were home with me.
Times have changed. Now Rhema has JKs 3 full days… which accommodates the working family. The families are now more moms that work or moms and dads that both work and share the responsibility of children at home.
I remember one mom who had found out that she was pregnant around the same time I found out that I was pregnant with Zach. I was delight. She had been on birth control and was not happy.
We were walking one day, and she said to me (her children were 5 and 2 years at the time)… “Don’t you want to enjoy your children?” The one thing that I hate about myself is that I don’t have a snappy reply right away.
She was talking about the fact that my first three are a year apart. Then Max is 2 years younger and I was pregnant again.
She is a mom consumed by her career as well as making her kids something… which is great but at this age, they seem to be missing their childhood.
I never said this because I didn’t think about it till after and it haunts me that I didn’t. But my answer is that “I do enjoy my children. That is why we have made the choice of me being home with them.”
How dare she criticize our choice to have a baby or to expand our family? It was to our house that her children came to play all the time. Did she not have that million dollar family? I would not question her decision to be a working mom, so why question mine to be home with my kids?
I assume that most sane people will do what is best for their children. Some moms are not meant to be stay at home moms. Some dads make great stay at home dads. Some couples have it so that both are able to do both.
Where is this coming from? Maybe as this year has come and I wondered what I want to be when I grow up, I really have found that I love being mom. I love what I do. What do I do?
I couldn’t even begin to tell you… as each day brings on something totally different.
I guess I wonder if I am lazy? But then I can say that I don’t usually have a free minute… because I have so much that needs to be done. But then I get a call from one of the boys… don’t forget to come and watch my game. Or today, Sammy asked me if I could come and have lunch with him… How can I say no?
Don’t I want to enjoy my children? Very much, every minute of each day possible. With 6 boys, there is always one that needs a mom to hang with or cheer for.
I guess this makes my time in the office, enjoyable too.. as it is a change to. Dealing with adults comes with its own set of challenges too! Sometimes I am lost, as the kids rules seem simpler.
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