My answer is “I just do it.” There are many times I don’t KNOW how I do it… but I have to so I do. Here’s the truth… I love babies. I think I was addicted to them. Babies are easy. Actually babies are really easy. I remember people saying… “It only gets harder…”
I would want to hit them. Harder… but yup. Harder. But in a different way.
Today the boys were all home. No one was listening to me. Everyone seem to be picking on someone. Then I heard Sammy say to Zach, “You know “Billy” doesn’t really like you.”
This made me so mad. I hate meanness. I can handle the constant fighting, wrestling and dialogue about weird things like Poop. But I can not handle meanness.
Then I think, “I am so not cut out for this.” What was I thinking? What made me think I could ever handle 6 boys much less be responsible for moulding them into fine young man.
(As I type, Sammy and Tyler are beating each other up. Something about breaking a deal…)
If I could have had a peek into my future… I would have had 2 kids. PERIOD. Or else, I am sure I would have gone screaming and running. … if I had peeked into my future.
Really, life with my 6 boys is not easy. They are busy. That word doesn’t even begin to define them.
They are assiduous, diligent, engaged, engrossed, bustling, energetic, fussy, hectic, restless, tireless, tiring, curious,inquisitive, aggressive, alert, animated, alive, dashing, bold, enthusiastic, fresh, perky, forceful, purposeful, sharp, determined, intrusive, snoopy, sloppy…
Of course I could go on. But … yup… here is the but… if I had to pick one word to describe my sons… wow… the word that comes to mind is Gift. They are my gift from God. They are gifts that I can open every day and find something new. I may not always like the new I discover but it is never boring. My gifts, every day are always a surprise. And I get 6 gifts every single day.
And truth be told, yes, I love getting away. But then, after a day, usually 2… I am ready to get my gifts again.
Gifts can disappoint. Ever opened a present… and then had to scramble to fix your face… it was not what you thought? That happens alot. I look at one of my precious gifts, and then they open their mouth, and talk back or say something ugly. I am so disappointed. You can be sure I wish I could put it back into a box and mark.. “Return to sender.” But apparently God said, “No trade backs.”
Yet… there is another part to this… there is the side to each one that leaves me breathless with the ache of loving them so much. You know that ache? Sometimes I feel it when they are asleep beside me and their breathe is so sweet or with some… funky. Sometimes I feel it when we are in the car and they reach over and grab my hand. Sometimes I feel that ache when I watch them play. It is that ache that makes me keep trying to be the best I can be. It is that ache that begs my heavenly Father forgiveness for being a sucky mom today and begging Him to be the perfect mom tomorrow.
That ache that keeps me going. It is after a day like I had today… and they are asleep that I feel relief that I made it without hurting anyone. And yet, I have this anticipation that tomorrow will be better.
No, if I knew how crazy my life would be before I had or knew my children… I would be momma of 2 quiet, perfect children. But God obviously knew this. So… He gave me the love of babies… He gave me that spirit of not giving up… “I am sure the next one will be a girl…” until I had this crazy and yet amazing family of 6 boys. I am thinking and praying He knew that this was what I was meant to be… mom of 6 boys.
He knew that this way, I would have to turn to Him… every day, actually every hour. He knows that beginning and the end. I am OK with being mom to my six wonderful, yet drive me crazy boys because I know God has my back.
How do I do it? Sometimes moment by moment. Then when the house I still… I exhale. And count my blessings… all seven of them!
God, I am going to admit… boys are so weird. They are so loud, busy and different. Thank you for my gifts… all 6 beautiful gifts. Thank you for nighttime. Thank you for school. Thank you for hockey. Thank you for all that keeps them busy and happy. Thank you for my gifts.