My brother is five years younger than me.
Growing up, since my mom was often at work, putting food on the table, doing the job of 2 adults, I mothered my brother.
As we grew up, we continued to be connected. We haven’t lived together since I was17 years old and went off to univerity. We spent some of the summers together but eventually we have lived many miles apart.
Both of us have spouses, children and busy lives. Yet we talk often.
When my brother was doing Josh’s dedication at church, he made a passing comment about talking to me everyday… Sanj looked over at me and said, “Really, every day?”
OK, not everyday…but often. We probably talk every other day.
Yesterday, the phone rang. The boys looked at it and said, “It’s Uncle Kumar, again…”
This morning as we were rushing out of the house, the phone rings. “Don’t answer it… and get in the car…” I yell. (I picked up and told my brother that I’d call him on the cell, knowing he is alone with the kids…)
“What do you guys talk about?” the boys asked.
I told them that someday, they would likely talk to their brothers…
They don’t get it. They think that we should live closer.
Here’s the thing… my brother is five years younger. So I listen. Usually, the conversation on my side is like this… “aha, aha, really? No, aha… ” I will hang up and Sanj will say, “Who was that? Kumar?”
This morning’s conversation was about his daughter… he was telling me about something that happen at her school… he says, not to be bias or anything but she (his daughter) is the prettiest girl there. She dresses well and is smart and of course people are drawn to her.”
I smile… of course he can’t see that. I agree with him. I listen.
Did I mention I am 5 years older? So I know now that every (well, most) parents feels this way about their kid. I remember Sammy being the most handsome child I have ever seen! I actually still think that next to his brothers, Josh is the most handsomest boy in Peterborough! He really should go into modelling!
I think that is the gift that God gave parents.. to see the best there is to see in their child, even when no one else can see it. I love that my brother is so in love with his child. It just means he is doing it right.
Then the conversation went to this dessert he made for the kids. He told me that he wanted to make a special dessert that the kids would associate to him… you know, Daddy’s special dessert.
On Face book he said he “is sad my kids didn’t like my secret dessert recipe, “pinky dinky pie.” It has always been my favorite growing up.
My immediate response was pinkie dinkie pie? His version of memories are always more animated and colorful than mine.
He then tells the story of how he made the pie… jello, whipped cream combined and dumped into a graham cracker crust… his kids made the youngest eat it and said Yuck.
These are the kind of things we talk about… our days, how his book is coming along… my dream of writing a book, who talked to our mom, the lastest thing my dad did or didn’t do, just the kind of thing you would talk to a girlfriend.
Sometimes the person that understands me well is someone that lived with me… he gets it. He was there. He understands the appreciation for wanting his children to have a favorite daddy dessert or meal… it’s about the relationship that he is building with his kids and it is about the relationships that we didn’t have.
As I watch my boys chatter about mommy and Uncle Kumar talking again… I am glad that they have that model happening in front of them… that family is important. It doesn’t matter how far apart we are… it is about the relationship.
It is about a special gift when siblings, family grow from all that they share… genetics… to making it grow into friendship. Of course we get on each other’s nerves. We are very different as we are alike.
I hope that someday, my boys will have children that wonder why they talk to their brother so much.
I hope that the bond of brotherhood is a gift of a lifetime for each of my boys.