Did you know that 1 in 6 women are raped? Did you know that most women know their rapist? Did you know that 10% of girls that go away to university, will be victims of rape their first year? Did you know that only 1 in 6 rape victims will report it?
Why am I writing this? I have been thinking of it for a long time. I was a victim of rape. I am a survivor. Everyone has a story. Mine is not that different.
Did I know him? Yes.
Did I trust him? Most Definitely.
Was I vulnerable? Yes.
Who was he? He was a teacher and pastor.
What was I doing? Babysitting.
Did I report it? Not to the police. I wished later that I had. I did eventually report it to the people that were in charge of his employment.
What happened? Not much. Sure, he was “let go.” The funny thing is that these people, the principal… gave him a recommendation. The church turned their heads. When asked if they (the conference that he was hired under) knew of this, it was denied. Hum.
Where is he now? Back dealing with the vulnerable… back in the church, preaching.
Was I the only one? Nope.
Often over the years, I have thought back to this time in my life. I think of those that did stand up with me, especially when I couldn’t stand on my own. I think of my rapist and wonder if he will ever be remorseful? I think of the people in charge, who could have and should have done something. I feel anger towards them the most.
Sanj called my rapist a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It is the perfect description of him. Charismatic, engaging and knew how to get you hooked onto God. Yet… there was another whole side. I am so sad that I fell for the act.
What makes me write this? I have felt the need to write about this for a long time. I have written about this under a pseudonym.
Yet as the years have gone by, there are so many with the same story as mine. Just a little different backdrop yet the shock, horror, fear, disbelief, anger, sadness … all are there for each of us.
I talked to someone who never shared it with anyone. She is my age. Wow. I can’t image holding that in. Actually, it is the worst thing to do. It is not your fault. It can’t be. No… means N O! Stop… means S T O P! Don’t means DO NOT!!!
So I write this to say… you are not alone. You are one of many, many women. It is something that we need to speak out about. We are not the ones that should be embarrassed. We are the ones that need to speak out. This is where my issues with church lie. Why are they protecting each other? What if it was their daughter? Would they still have each other’s back? What if these people were to experience rape? Would churches still hire these criminals then?
OK… I have issues. Yet most of it is stuff that I have had to let God deal with . Justice is His and only His. I have to be content that I do my part. Part of that is to take a stand. I want to be able to say loud and clear that I am have been a victim. I am nobody’s victim now. That is where it stops.
As a mom of 6 sons, this is something that has shouted out to me. I am in charge of teaching 6 soon to be men that woman deserve utmost respect. Women are a gift from God. Eve was a gift to Adam. They are to be loved, cherished and respected. They are to understand and listen. No means NO! Stop mean STOP! Don’t means DO NOT!
This is such an important blog to me. I waited forever to write it. I wanted it to be right. I want this, my story, to make a difference. SO… I want to write and say, if you, too, have been a victim of rape, you are not alone. Don’t be alone. Find a friend. Share. Pay a therapist. They have to keep the information confidential. Write in anonyomously. Please just don’t keep your pain and sadness locked in. It isn’t healthy or worth it. Sharing your pain is part of healing.
I am talking about rape. Yet, there are so many other terms that simply mean violation. If you are sexually touched in any way that was not wanted… it is a crime. It is wrong. Your body is yours. No one has a right to any part of it.
1 out of 6 women are raped. That do not mean that each of those 6 women must stay a victim. It is in our power to change that! Be that survivor!
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Reema,
I also have been thinking about writing about having once been a victim, about why I chose to marry a sex addict not once but twice. I too have been raped, more times than I have a count of. First time I remember I was 6, and yes I knew him, he was my father. But it didn't stop there, he made me available to others, both directly and indirectly. Directly by handing me over to others, and indirectly by making me such a victim that I did not know how to stop it. Now I am almost 50, and I am finally feeling like my life is becoming my own.
I have had zillions of hours of counseling, been in support groups, and written about it. It wasn't until my second husband confessed his addiction that I got help for the attraction to a sex addict part. It has taken my lifetime of work to get me to a place I was entitled to be at birth.
Good for you for speaking out. I knew there was a reason why I was drawn to your strength. Like I felt you were a sister.
Sandy
Dear Sandy,
I don't even know what to say… I am sorry that your dad was such a disappointment. I am thankful to you for being so honest. I think that this is what needs to happen… that if we, as women, let to yell it out… that maybe, just maybe these kinds of men will think twice…
You know that there is power in speaking out. I believe that it will empower someone else. I believe in this … that if one person is helped… then speaking out is the only way to go.
So thank you for sharing. I am sorry that this has been your road. I am thankful that you have God there to walk this path. Does it not make it a little easier to know that there is such love and help always there?
I would love to hear your story someday. You are a remarkable lady. You have my admiration.
xoxo
Reema. The only thing you don't mention is his NAME. Why not?
Name and Shame. Greetings from France, Cro.
I tried many times to talk about rape over the years, I was only able to let bits and pieces out. With the support of my husband, I finally confided in a friend, someone who seemed to know that something was bothering me as a teen. I have been able to talk about it now, and it feels like such a relief. My daughters have had some bad experiences, I do believe that since I have told them about what happened to me, I have helped them to deal with issues regarding aggressive males.