Running Away…

Today has not been a good afternoon.  I am really wishing I was a little crazier than I am and would have wait till Sanj got home, taken the car (cheaper on gas), taken his business card (it has more it that account then my mine and drain it) and go for milk.

Um… where would I go for milk?  No where I would be found.  I have this fantasy to go to Nantucket, is that in Maine?  Or to Cape Cod… I have a little white house on the beach.  I would overcome my fear of a tidal wave washing me away. 

I would wear shorts and tee-shirts and flip-flops all the time. OK, I do this already, it would seem.  I would have a great porch with lemonade and yummy things to munch on.  I would have no worries.

I would never hear “MOMMY!!!  He ….”  I wouldn’t hear, “Mommy, can you get me this…” and have to deal with major crappy attitude when I do not give in to his entitlement.  I would not hear complaining all the time.  I would not have to deal with the  moods of teenagers.

All I would worry about was MY NEEDS AND WANTS.  Hum… there is a thought!  What do I want or need?  Obviously not much… I just need to satisfy every single person’s need and then get to go to bed and do it all again.

What the hell was I thinking of when I was busy having 6 kids?  Who did I think I was???  Wow!  I really must have thought a lot of my abilities.  Super me.  

As annoying as my younger ones can be, they are my joy.  My older three have really got a case of poopy attitude syndrome.  I wish I could swear.  I wish I could use bad words.

Yesterday I dealt with crap literally and figuratively.  One of the boys had a major case of the poopies.  While going to a friend’s house to pick up his brother, he couldn’t hold it and stood on the steps and released his bowels… when they didn’t answer the door.

Do you know how much I wanted to swear?  Where is Sanj when this @#!%  happens?  Oh right, working.  I need a job!  I went out, tried to be matter a fact as I dealt with Professor Poopie Pants and his mortification.  I got the hose… and began… DISGUSTING.  Where in the mother’s manual is this written?  I can just tell you that it was so not a incident I EVER want to deal with again.  Of course it happens… I know.  It has happened to me yet I can clean up myself.

Ugh.  Poor child.  Then he had to little to his brothers try really hard to not tease.

Today, Josh is upstairs busy trying to hide his poopie mess.  He gets a cold shower when this happens… so now he has taken to hiding the evidence.  Ugh.  I have to rework that.  Again, I was dealing with more &^%$.

I guess the bottom line is I am tired of the never-ending attitude.  I am tired of “Oh, of course you think that because….”   Yes, because YOU ARE NEVER WRONG.  Yes, because I can’t see past your little ego!  IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU!!!

Sigh.  So.. there… it is on paper.  I suck as a mother.

I was born to be a princess.  Maybe being raised by a nanny wouldn’t be so bad.  I would get them for a few hopefully happy moments a day.  đź™‚  I like that thought.  I would send my day all about me!  Hum… there is an idea.  ME!  I have lost me.

Sanj asked if I took my happy pill.  Ha!  He has no idea.  It doesn’t work for six kids that are fighting and whining and not appreciating the fact that I have other things I would rather be doing than going to the creek or beach or basketball camp or dropping them off at a friends or having friends over or… taking them for an ice cream just because…

Back to my escape… Nantucket! …   

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One Response to Running Away…

  1. Anonymous says:

    Oh Reema, I feel your pain…I love my kids to death, but also feel that I have lost myself! I look at myself in the mirror and can’t even begin to recognize myself…what happened, who am I, do my desires even rate…I have no idea what I even like sometimes…or is it because I’m so inundated with fulfilling the needs/wants of everyone else??? Then as I take a second look at myself in the mirror, I see the formation of deep furrows that mommyhood has claimed. And lets not forget about the whole body image issue…agghhhh, do I even go there??? Oh how I would even want to have the same body I had after my first child….what was I thinking!!! I too need to get on an exercise program…I’d like to feel beautiful and sexy once again…my hubby is sweet and tells me that I am fine just the way that I am….I don’t want to be “fine”…I want to be “fiiiinnnneee”…LOL!!! Yet on the flipside of it all, my children are worth every roll, furrow and flap on my body…LOL!

    Last night my husband flew home from a business trip and met the kids and me at a store…he needed to fill gas in my car….I don’t fill gas…lol and he always keeps the tanks full in our vehicles…Needless to say, the kids were really acting up while he was away and so last night I drove his car back home and noticed that now I was peering at my kids through a window…it was so strange! Here, I am the one always driving them all over the place, etc….and now I’m physically separated from them…I couldn’t take it and began to get emotional….I’m a sap!!! But that’s what our precious ones do to us….kinda gives us a teeny-tiny glimpse of God’s love for us. How we fail him a million times and yet He still loves us and continues to forgive us for the same mistakes we make over and over again!

    And regarding the hubbies….i know they mean well and since we are both stay-at-home moms, I can understand your frustrations…but they really are doing their best to provide for their family! I know they don’t have to deal with the poop, puke, backtalk, etc…but when you look at it realistically, there’s nothing they can do in that very moment. I guess at least speaking for myself, I just want to vent and feel appreciated or at least be validated for the job I do at home….mommyhood is such an underappreciated job! People think all we do is shop, playdates, homework, school, etc….but there’s so much more to it!!! Like our parents always say, “you’ll only understand when you have kids…” It’s funny, I find myself telling my kids likewise, but they are SOOOO clueless…..just take a look at your life….it’s only after having kids that you have a deeper appreciation for your mom…it’s a sense of gratitude that you can only have once you’ve had kids because motherhood certainly opens up a whole spectrum of thoughts and feelings that you’ve never experienced before!

    Okay, so I'm venting as well…keep up writing, you are gifted because you write from the heart!