The Other Side of the Fence

Today I finished a book about this married lady who had an affair.  It was a bad book.  I hated that I needed to finish it but in the end I felt like I had wasted my time.

It is the typical story of a lady who has it all, cute, loving hubby, 4 kids, lovely house and even a nanny.  She was an artist, so she had time to release her creative energy.  As in many a marriage, she lost herself.  She worked, cooked, cleaned, passed all her energy onto her kids and husband and yet at the end of the day, felt lost and taken for granted.  Who was looking out for her needs?  Her husband wanted/needed sex 4-5 times a week.  Maybe he thought because he was being sated, his love language being met, so was hers.

She is then asked to be part of this committee and you know how novels are… sparks fly and boom… the affair begins.  Yet this book ended with her not being fulfilled in the affair either.  She “loved” but couldn’t have nor could she leave the life she had either.

The grass was not greener on the other side.  As I read this book, I felt like we have such unreal expectations of marriage.  Books and movies make the happily ever after seem as if there are not periods of discontentment, irritation and maybe even hate.  It doesn’t tell you that kids come and you will lose yourself.  If you are lucky, you will find what it takes to go from honeymooners to partners in life… still loving each other but it is different.   When I say different, you or your mate are not first.  If a kid is vomiting, your romantic dinner is put on hold.  Different is OK.  Different is good.

We age and our needs and wants change.  What am I saying?  I think that if we expect the changes that come with marriage, babies and age maybe we wouldn’t be so unhappy.  Maybe if books, movies and people in general talked about the ups and DOWNS truthfully, we would know we are a norm and not wonder what is wrong with us.  Would this help divorce rates a bit?

I dunno.  I just think that as I talk to my friends, as we make light of matters that are really bothering us or hurtful… maybe we wouldn’t feel so alone if we knew its ok… if we knew everybody goes through the rough stuff.  Maybe sometimes you have to settle for some dissatisfaction.  Sometimes you have to weigh it out… and hopefully the good, the tolerable and happy outweigh the bad, the really bad.

I don’t know.  My parents marriage is not a role model.  I don’t have a guide book to look at.  I do know that if I am happier and unhappy… it is a good thing and I am grateful to have a husband that makes me happy… that can ignore my moodiness and know when to walk away when he has made me very mad.

The point is… I found the book dumb… but it made me think.  Really think.  If you are unhappy, work on the problem.  Looking on the other side of the fence may just look better.. but isn’t likely the answer.

I am not sure this even makes sense.

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