Desperately Seeking DISCIPLINE!

The countdown is on… BOO!!!  2 weeks and my babes will be off to school, back to routine, homework and lunches.  BOO!!!

I have so enjoyed the summer with the boys.  I am not in a hurry for school to start.  I love the leisure life… I was made to be a princess, loved and pampered!  Sigh… maybe in another life.  There is something so great about not rushing in the morning.  None of my babes are really morning people, especially if we have some place to be.  Breakfast around 11 a.m. suits us all.  Usually the afternoon is spent out somewhere, the park, fishing or catching crayfish.  Suppers are the only really planned meal… and again there isn’t that rushing involved.

OK… enough of the whining!  The school year is coming whether I am ready or not and unless I am thinking of homeschooling them… which would be a real disaster… I better deal with the reality of it being 2 weeks and counting.

Yesterday a  girlfriend of mine  came and spent the day with me form Toronto.  I don’t know why we don’t see each other more often except that we are in two different places in life.  She is an empty nester, busy worker and in another phase of life.  Me … well we know what phase of life I am in… kids… all around me  all the time! lol

I had such a wonderful time with her.  I didn’t feel the pressure of cleaning up, as I know she would never judge me or my mess.  I didn’t feel that I had to entertain her as I knew what we would talk as I folded laundry.  We went out for lunch… funny how all the kiddies wanted to come.  Then I had to take the boys for an orthodontist appointment… so we chatted in the car as they got their braces tightened.

After she left, I was overcome by sadness.    I love the fact that she is a bestie that I can share my true feelings with.  You know… Sanj is annoying my by… and she gets it as she has a hubby that can annoy her.  I can tell her my fears and stresses about the boys and she gets it because she has kids and knows that you can raise them the best you know how… and the rest is really up to God and hoping your children makes wise choices and all is good.

I love that I can be so real.  So, as she left, my husband was off at a meeting and what not, my boys at hockey camp, me in bed with Josh and Zach snuggling… I felt grateful for the moments that I have that are so meaningful my besties.  I wonder why I find it so hard to give myself permission to do things for me?  Why do I care if the dishes are done when I get back or if the boys brushed their teeth or if …

I really don’t consider myself controlling.  Bossy, yes…  Sanj gets annoyed when I tell him to do this or that for the boys… he looks at me with flusteration and says, “Do I tell you what to do?”

My reply is constant…. “NO.. Because I DO IT  all without being told!”  I really do wish I could stick my tongue out after this retort.

The problem is that being a SAH mom is that there is no job description.  As a SAH mom, what is expected of me?  Laundry, housework, meals, pick ups and drop offs… what else?  I really do wonder at some of my friends that really do stay at home all day and work.  Yikes!  Maybe they can make a list for me.  See, I get all moody when I clean and see stuff laying around due to the fact of laziness and what I see as disrespect.  Then I get angry.  I try to keep the anger in but usually when you have a husband like mine… he will inevitably say, “What’s wrong?”   I will answer “Nothing…” This is my standard answer usually because swear words are floating in my head.  (I know better than to say those words out loud)!

So what is this blog really about?  Being lonely about missing my girlfriends, being frustrated about being a SAH mom because I am not sure I am cut out for all that it entails.  Maybe it is about the new school year.   See my life is operated by the school calendar.  Our calendar starts August and ends in July.  I loved new school years as a kids, as I saw it as a do over.  Maybe this year I would get straight A’s.  Maybe this year I would read my Bible all the way through.  This year I would have perfect attendance.  This year I will keep my room clean and organized.  I never really accomplished those things but I loved the chance at a new start.

So in 14 days and counting I will have a new start again.  

Here’s what I see for myself… if I can find the discipline to do it…
6:30 am… up and shower
7:00 am… breakfast ready and get the trooper up and at ’em.
7:45 am… the high school bunch is off with Sanj
I hope to stick a load of laundry in … everyday!
8:00 am… work on getting us out the door so we are on time! 🙂
ON TIME for school… yah!

My day:
9:00 am  GYM  despite whether I have company or not
10:30… head out… grab groceries if needed and GO HOME!!!
Sigh.  HOME.
Make lunch… no more eating out with my friends except on a specific day…
Start supper
12-2 pm… write write … write…

2 pm… head out to pick up the high school gang
3:15 pick up the rest of the tribe…
head home or to various places.

Supper, homework, lunches, be ready for the morning…
10:00 pm BED… except for Thursdays when Grey’s will be on!  🙂

Mondays are home days with Josh.. 
Fridays are play dates for Josh and me! 🙂

So… here’s to me finding DISCIPLINE!  
Wish me luck!
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