Are you a giver and a taker?
I have been giving this a lot of thought the last couple of days. I think that for the most part you are one or the other. Of course there are exceptions, but for the most part, if you are a giver, you are usually uncomfortable with taking.
Am I correct? This is my husband. Sanj is the most generous person I know. He gives and gives. He can know you or not. He loves being a giver. He is a giver naturally. He is generous to a fault. This is a down fall of his too. What this means is that people have no trouble taking advantage of him.
This happens regularly as a boss. He has employees that are workers and consciousness. Yet they can take advantage of his generousness. This is usually done by asking for time off. Or an example of this is at Christmas one year, he had a good year and wanted to show his staff his gratitude. He gave a BIG bonus. The employee, instead of showing gratitude … complained of the taxes they would have to pay. The complaining was so offensive that Sanj wrote a check to cover the taxes… but never made the mistake of writing that kind of bonus.
He has people that come in for testing without understanding that they need to pay for services rendered.
The biggest annoyance that I see is when he gives away a pair of hearing aids. He never gives cheap one. These are hearing aids that he will have to pay out of pocket. They are worth thousands of dollars. I have seen him give away pairs with the person, so used to being a taker, just walking away, not understanding the gift they were given.
Givers have a hard time taking. It isn’t in their nature. It may even make them uncomfortable. Sanj has a hard time with this. For him to accept something from someone, for no reason, is hard.
Over time, I have learned that there is a lesson for givers to learn. There is an art of being a gracious receiver. It is important for others to learn or be able to return the love.
Some people are in positions that make them automatic takers. Pastors, teachers, principals, doctors are in positions that people want to show gratitude to.
Takers… well, what can I say? You likely know you are a taker. Do you accept more then offer? Then you are a taker. Do you think of things you can do for others or rather what you can get from someone?
Takers… you should really try doing something for a giver in your life.
We have a parent/friend at our school. He is a natural giver. He is the local Dominos Pizza owner. He is someone I see folks taking advantage of all the time. “Allan will donate pizza.” Of course he will. Yet… he has to pay for it too. This is something that folks seem to forget about businesses… they have to pay for it too. Maybe at a reduced rate… but it is money nevertheless.
So… takers… it’s Christmas time. Do something remarkable for the givers in your lives. Be extra aware of the generousness that comes your way from the givers in your life.
Blessed is he that gives…
Are you a giver or a taker?
I think people who have never been self-employed do not understand the expenses that go into running that business. Employees don’t realize that as much taxes as they have to pay, the employer has to match those taxes, that the taxes are ac…tually DOUBLE what the employee pays. At least that is the way it is in the US. Nor does the employer chose the amount of taxes that are taken out – the government does. The employer is just the middle-man who does as told, and gets in BIG TROUBLE if they don’t.
We were talking about this subject at church yesterday. It was about giving and receiving service, and how both parties are blessed. It is much easier to give than to receive, but there is an interesting thing about receiving. If you refuse the offer of service, then you are denying that person the opportunity to receive blessings, which can actually be a selfish thing.
So tell Sanj to smile and accept… he is making it possible for the giver to be blessed. 🙂
I found your last post very offensive, it was full of arrogance, Do you think when your husband paying bonus to his employees this means that your husband is a generous giver? He has to pay bonus because it is not possible that a normal company has profit without help of employees of the company. Employer is owed to his employees because of their hard work. When you highlighting “BIG” to show how your husband is “generous” only showing your big vanity. Do you really think your husband gives charity to his slaves? Then he is “giver and generous to a fault” and the employees are “taker” and have to “showing gratitude”?
I don’t know how much you know about business but when a company has profit, to reduce employer taxes, company must increase expenses, and for that year you husband choose to pay bonus (and maybe next year forget his dept and finding another way to escape from tax). Paying bonus is not means that employees are owed to you, this only means that employees are working well. If an employer gave bonus or flexible time, first person who receives benefit is same employer because the staff will work with better quality.
I read some of your posts, it seems you are a practical Christian. I try to write with your words. Everything is belonging to God, in a period of time God gives opportunity to use world to showing our gratitude to God with make this world better place to all people. If we take this opportunity and show off to people that “I am a good man” this is actually ungratefulness to God. You have a good home, friends and family, all of these are from God and not from you or your husband.
“So… it’s Christmas time.” If you gave something to someone and expect “gratitude” and without that you think you waist your generosity, then you did not that for God you did it to satisfy your snobbishness.
Don’t be mad of me, I spend my time to only try to show the thing that I believe wrong to you. God help us to have a beautiful mind.
Unfortunately, gratefulness is a lost art and complaining is the norm. The employee could have received NO bonus. Bonus is optional, hence the term.
Blue’s comments are strange and unintelligible. He could use some English lessons…..
Hi Mrs. Sukumaran,
I did not want to upset you, If I did, I’m sorry.
I expected that you do not bear a criticism and instead of thinking you will emotionalize and scorn me to draw sympathy to yourself, and change subject of discussion to something else. You are already popular and you do not need impersonate “Red” to show there is a person who has sympathy with you.
I talked about employees rights, I did not said employees do not need to gratitude to their employers. An employee will say “thank you” when received his salary, not because they have to, they should say because they are polite. Also I said bonuses are different to charity donations.
When you write your opinions in cyberspace you have to accept that other people may read, and may they have other opinions.
As well as I accept your criticism about language of my comment and thank you to note it. I agree with you I have to practice more and use some English lessons.
I don’t want to continue this discussion, because it is diverted to an illogical manner. But still I will continue to read your great blog.
And to Blue… First of all, I did not impersonate Red. I am not that insecure… I would tell you, BLUE to your name. So please do not offend me in that way. I further more realize that this, my blog is in cyberspace… and welcome all comments. While I did not agree with your comment, I did publish it… as I believe you are entitled. You do not know my husband, nor do you know the generousness of his heart. None of which you said was true. Yet Sanj told me to publish your comment as you are entitled. I would never make fun of your English either. So none of what you said it correct… as I am NOT RED! I am Reema Sukumaran and would never hide behind another name. The bonus part was such a small part of my post. You do not know the person working with my husband and I assure they were ungrateful… as it was definitely a BONUS… not anything else. It was given with gratitude that the business was growing and to show appreciation to his workers for their part as of course his business needs the employee and vis versa. This is small company and so when bonuses are given they are given from the heart. Your comments really did upset me as you were attacking my husband and he is nothing if not kind, loving, loyal and generous. Your comments were so incorrect in relations to Sanj and his business.
I had to reply since you are questioning my integrity. I am not Red… Red is a comment by some person in cyberspace. Why are you Blue? Just curious. And where are you from? I think that if English isn’t your first language… you write well and good for you … keep it up.
Thanks for reading… I write from my heart… that is where all this comes from.
@BLUE: I am NOT Mrs. Sukumaran, neither am I a member of her family for that matter. I chose the name “Red” as an opposite to “Blue”. I also found your comments to be harsh, critical and judgmental — they had me “seeing red”!
Mrs. Sukumaran clearly cares for her husband. She was expressing her frustration at the situation with his employee, and is proud of him as a man with a generous nature. I am quite disappointed you would take this as arrogance and be offended. There are so many husbands out there that would LOVE for their wives to defend them in this way.