Will The Real Reema Please Stay Standing?

There are two sides to me:  the Reema in my everyday life today … and then there is the Reema that was from high school.

I hate when that shy, insecure side of me pops up.  I hate when I let myself become intimidated by  others.  I hate when I can’t coax the real me to stand up and stay a while!

I wish my people from high school could tell the people who know me ( the real me) what I was like.  My today people wouldn’t believe it!

So weird!

Yesterday, I had a huge battle with Reema (the insecure one).  I was about to walk into a room full of people… into a whole new adventure… and I felt panicked.  The confident me tried to go into hiding.

If I am hosting or in control of a event… I am in my element.  I realized that.
Yesterday… I was coming out of my comfort zone, to a group of people who knew nothing about me.

I suppose there is always a part of me that is scared of reliving high school.  It was so lonely.  I felt like much of that time I was watching from the outside… peeking through a window.

I heard someone refer to high years… despite the fact that it is only 4 years… can be a life sentence.  They can be such long lonely years.  Yet high school is only 4 years.   4 impactful years.

I see it in my boys.  The two that are in high school are having 2 very different experiences, thus far.

Sammy lives and breathes his friends.  24 hours a day.

Tyler… it’s his first year.  He is quieter.  Watchful. Holding back.  I keep holding my breathe.  I think he will fly.  He is a leader in his right.  Sanj was telling me how his hockey team boys are just drawn to him.  Yet… I think he is holding back… as he is comparing himself to his brother.

One of the most important things I wanted my kids to have was confidence.  I want them to believe in themselves.  I want them to see the awesomeness that each of them are.

We’ll see.

I still fight with the two Reema’s all the time.  Obviously.

I guess I am still scared that people won’t like me.
Everyone hates rejection.

Don’t they?

I’m back again.

For now.