There are two sides to me: the Reema in my everyday life today … and then there is the Reema that was from high school.
I hate when that shy, insecure side of me pops up. I hate when I let myself become intimidated by others. I hate when I can’t coax the real me to stand up and stay a while!
I wish my people from high school could tell the people who know me ( the real me) what I was like. My today people wouldn’t believe it!
Yesterday, I had a huge battle with Reema (the insecure one). I was about to walk into a room full of people… into a whole new adventure… and I felt panicked. The confident me tried to go into hiding.
If I am hosting or in control of a event… I am in my element. I realized that.
Yesterday… I was coming out of my comfort zone, to a group of people who knew nothing about me.
I suppose there is always a part of me that is scared of reliving high school. It was so lonely. I felt like much of that time I was watching from the outside… peeking through a window.
I heard someone refer to high years… despite the fact that it is only 4 years… can be a life sentence. They can be such long lonely years. Yet high school is only 4 years. 4 impactful years.
I see it in my boys. The two that are in high school are having 2 very different experiences, thus far.
Sammy lives and breathes his friends. 24 hours a day.
Tyler… it’s his first year. He is quieter. Watchful. Holding back. I keep holding my breathe. I think he will fly. He is a leader in his right. Sanj was telling me how his hockey team boys are just drawn to him. Yet… I think he is holding back… as he is comparing himself to his brother.
One of the most important things I wanted my kids to have was confidence. I want them to believe in themselves. I want them to see the awesomeness that each of them are.
I still fight with the two Reema’s all the time. Obviously.
I guess I am still scared that people won’t like me.
Everyone hates rejection.
I’m back again.