I am really trying to prioritize my life.
It sounds simple but it isn’t, like where is laundry in my list of priorities, or making sure I get to the gym, or a healthy supper, or just me time?
Of course, as I figure this out, I have only myself to blame… but not really.
I took on the DWTD (Dancing with the Docs)… really wanting to put my energy into this worthwhile cause. Bring Care Closer to Home… is huge for anyone dealing with the ugliness of cancer.
Then came the decision to homeschool Zach in the mornings… This is priority for me. It may even be my number one thing for me right now. I am enjoying it… and am always surprised to find the creative jucies I thought were gone, surface up. I love feeling this connection with Zach. I see improvement already… especially in his being. I see a affection that was always lacking with Zach.*
*** He is my only kid that wanted his crib instead of sleeping with us. He is not overtly affectionate with his hugs and kisses… especially with me. This has always bothered me… if I am honest, as he is an extremely loving boy.
This week, I have been allowed to hold his hand (for moments), he hugs more and I got a “love you” as he rushed out the door.
It made me want to cry.
How much I love him! And yes, I know he loves me… but his love language isn’t the same or anywhere near mine. This time… even though it has just been three days, has been so good.
As much as I have a whole bucket of concerns of homeschooling kids… I can see the attraction.
So far, I have woken up, rushed the boys off to school… been on time the last three days… wahoo! Then we rush home and dive into the books.
The dishes sit in the sink. The laundry keeps piling up. The clutter accumulates. And… I feel exhausted.
Once our morning session is done, we have lunch and rush back to school.
Then in the hour and half that is left I grab groceries, cleaned out the van (that is a post all unto it self), try to solicit a donation or two for the auction, do that oil change, visit a friend…
Then it is 2:20 pm and time to pick up my high schoolers. Monday and Wednesdays this means running Tyler over to his trainer for a workout and then picking up my elementary crew, then back to get Tyler.
Phew… then it is home.
Supper, hockey practice, homework, dishes (which may or may not get done) and the constant repositioning of clean laundry that I keep meaning to put away.
But after I put Josh down… or after I have come in from hockey, I can’t fathom doing anything else.
I need my bed, a snuggle with a kid that is awake, time to watch my show or just a dumb show (the other day I found myself watching the Bachelor… can’t believe that women do this)!
I am missing my me time. After years of never having it… not evening knowing what it meant… I am back to being in demand constantly.
I miss writing.
It’s all good.
Yet… I can’t lie… I feel exhausted. Some of it is an emotional exhaustion. So much is going on in my head… and heart. Thank goodness for my dear husband that is always ready to listen and let me work it out.
There was a time when laundry, dishes, clutter and all that stuff didn’t faze me. I need to go back to that place. I need to make everyone take more upon themselves.
Maybe that my new priority… dumping more responisbity on the boys.
That means more nagging.
Fitting laundry, cooking, cleaning into the living, laughing and loving.