370 days or so and Sammy will be graduating from 8th grade. Today his class went to one of the local high schools to check it out. They ended with a dance. OK I know my kids are not me (thank goodness) but I am proud of the self confidence that Sammy has to boogie with his friends.
I can’t imagine this year coming being the last year of elementary school for him. I still remember his first day of JK. In many ways I am not one of those parents that says “Where has time gone?” I know where it has gone, 6 children later. But at the same time I would like to freeze for a few minutes.
High School was such a horrid time of my life. Probably the worst time of my life, if I am honest. I was a loser. I was geeky, gawky and wanted to disappear. Yet at the same time I wanted so badly to simply belong and not stand out. I wanted Hang Ten clothing, a different face and certainly different parents. I wanted to live in a different house and neighbourhood and drive anything other than the Ford Econoline I drove.
Now I look at Sammy as he begins to reach that phase. I want to make sure I do not dump my insecurities on him. I want him to belong and be accepted but not hang out with the wrong bad boys and girls. I want him to learn, grow and develop into a fine person with morals, manners and happy memories.
I have realized that it doesn’t matter if you have the right clothing, drive a cool car or live in a mansion. You can’t make someone love and accept themselves. Only they can do that . So as I struggle to accept the child that stretched my belly with marks that are a constant reminder of his presence yesteryear…almost as tall as me, full of love and attitude and then more attitude. This child that makes me feel that I do not know anything that he would know… this child that can be so loving and dear… I pray that I have loved him enough these past 12 years, that I have punished enough and prayed enough for him.
Now I have 370 + days left to hold my breathe and see how he grows up. I have to watch and see if he continues to love himself and be proud and strong in himself. I hope that this is his journey that he can see in himself as the gift he is and the pain he is and accept all of himself. I hope that he continues to grow and have his soul nurtured and the Spirit move him in positive ways.