The Countdown Begins

370 days or so and Sammy will be graduating from 8th grade. Today his class went to one of the local high schools to check it out. They ended with a dance. OK I know my kids are not me (thank goodness) but I am proud of the self confidence that Sammy has to boogie with his friends.

I can’t imagine this year coming being the last year of elementary school for him. I still remember his first day of JK. In many ways I am not one of those parents that says “Where has time gone?” I know where it has gone, 6 children later. But at the same time I would like to freeze for a few minutes.

High School was such a horrid time of my life. Probably the worst time of my life, if I am honest. I was a loser. I was geeky, gawky and wanted to disappear. Yet at the same time I wanted so badly to simply belong and not stand out. I wanted Hang Ten clothing, a different face and certainly different parents. I wanted to live in a different house and neighbourhood and drive anything other than the Ford Econoline I drove.

Now I look at Sammy as he begins to reach that phase. I want to make sure I do not dump my insecurities on him. I want him to belong and be accepted but not hang out with the wrong bad boys and girls. I want him to learn, grow and develop into a fine person with morals, manners and happy memories.

I have realized that it doesn’t matter if you have the right clothing, drive a cool car or live in a mansion. You can’t make someone love and accept themselves. Only they can do that . So as I struggle to accept the child that stretched my belly with marks that are a constant reminder of his presence yesteryear…almost as tall as me, full of love and attitude and then more attitude. This child that makes me feel that I do not know anything that he would know… this child that can be so loving and dear… I pray that I have loved him enough these past 12 years, that I have punished enough and prayed enough for him.

Now I have 370 + days left to hold my breathe and see how he grows up. I have to watch and see if he continues to love himself and be proud and strong in himself. I hope that this is his journey that he can see in himself as the gift he is and the pain he is and accept all of himself. I hope that he continues to grow and have his soul nurtured and the Spirit move him in positive ways.

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