Mother in-laws… I have so much I could write on this subject. I am not sure how many years it takes to be considered an expert on the subject, perhaps by now I have mastered itl. This blog COULD go in many different directions but I am going to focus on mothers and their sons.
It is the weirdest relationship, a mother and her son. I have been fascinated with the subject for many years… 13 and a half years to be exact. My in-laws weren’t to keen on my from the beginning. No matter what I did, it was not good enough. It all boiled down to the fact that I was taking Sanj away, at least in his mother’s eyes.
Apparently his mom told someone, “Sanj was all mine before.” I guess she did not like sharing. I was more than willing to share. I have watched my mom with her daughter in-laws. Fascinating! While I could write a book on in-laws, this is about me. This is about my thoughts and fears concerning mothers and their sons.
Daughters and their mothers always have a relationship, though complicated many times, it is usually a constant. Perhaps it is really that mothers feel they lose their sons to their wives. It is the cycle of life, I suppose.
The nicest ladies, the most passive ladies, the most Christian ladies become different when it comes to their sons. Frankly, it scares me. I have 6 SONS! What will I be? What kind of mother in-law will I be? How will I handle these women in my sons lives? I am scared. I can be fiercely protective. I am never wrong and I have lots of opinions. Doesn’t look good, does it?
So I keep telling my girlfriends, “Please KEEP ME IN CHECK!!!” “Smack me, if you have to!” Yet, the thought of my babies in the hands of those creatures really scares me. OK… kidding, but not really.
I have been trying to learn from mother in-laws I know. One of the biggest things I believe is HAVING A LIFE OF YOUR OWN. I see a lot of women in the generation before me that do not have their own life. So of course the focus is on their kids and what they are doing wrong or right. I want to be strong in my self, with a life full of hobbies and activities that I can really enjoy. I want to continue my circle of friends and believe they will continue to be fulfilling.
I want to be secure in my later years that there is no room for insecurities. ( I truly believe that in-law troubles come when insecurities eat a person up… whether that is the senior or junior member of the family). Insecurities should be a four letter word.
I hope and want to be confident in my job I did as a parent now, to trust my children will be equipped with the ability to make good and solid decisions. I also want to be able to know that as adults, my kids have to live with the consequences of their actions. I really hope that I can do this.
I want to be happy. Whether with Sanj (if he is alive, God willing), as a married couple who has a separate life ourselves, whether traveling etc. I want to know what I need to be happy and find that contentment. I want to love my family. I suppose this includes daughter inlaws. Haha… This is something that I pray for now as most of my boys are thinking that the girls have cooties. God, please be with my sons future wives. Please Lord, may they be filled with love and understand the gift of loving.
Lastly, I want to be able to LOVE my sons enough to let them live their lives, which includes letting each of them have the freedom to love whomever they choice. (Really, arranged marriages does seem to have its merits)! This is a hard thought now that I can not even imagine having to live it out.
Yet, I want to break the stereotypical image of the mother in-law.
I know that their are ladies who have GREAT mother in-laws. They actually brag about them. I want to be a great mother and yet what an accomplishment if I end up being a great mother in-law!