My son Tyler is a passionate child. I guess another word is obsessive child. Since the age of 2 years old I can remember his obsessions clearly… as do others. First there was the love for elephants, then triceratops, then tools… tools continued for a while.
He loved green and at one point verbalized wishing he was a different skin color. Of course I was stressed wondering how I was going to explain that all of us are made different by God. Dreading the answer, I asked him what color he wished he was… fully expecting him to say white. “I wish I could be green!” was his reply!
Then came the love for football, hockey and golf. Golf, I do believe is higher on the list. So he spends much of his day at the course. Last year he would sign up for tournaments at different clubs yet the morning of …. he would be sick or call home with a golf injury.
Last night he was up most of the night. He came and said he was sick. Then at some ungodly hour asked if he could take a shower. It was about 4 a.m. I said to do whatever he needed to feel better. As daylight came, he was pretty sure he was getting a fever.
Well this was all related to the tournament today that HE had signed up. It was at a course that he had not played at and there was only a couple of kids from his club going. I called Sanj to let him know what was going on. Sanj told me to let him know he can stay home if that is what he needed to do.
On the ride there I was explaining to him that is naturally for him to be nervous. That is why his stomach hurt and he felt sick. I said, “It is o.k. for you to say that you are scared.” We had to stop at our golf club to pick something up. Tyler went in and came back a different person. Curtis, the pro for the Juniors, was going. Tyler loves him.
It was all O.K. Sanj asked him later tonight if he was nervous today. He finally said yes. Sanj also told him he gets nervous too.
I want so badly for him to learn that it is O.K. to be anxious. This is part of who he is. Yet it would be wonderful for him to understand and recognize the feelings and be able to verbalize it. Then we can learn together strategies to make it through the moment or day.
I never want him to view it as a weakness. I think it is a characteristic that makes him more understanding and empathic towards others. It would be great to be able to say “I am scared” without feeling vulnerable.
I felt today we made a baby step. There will soon be another tournament or hockey camp will be here. I hope that today is a step in the direction of understanding the feelings and soon being able to call it by its name. How great it would be if I didn’t have to guess whether a fever is really coming… do I give him an Advil?