Today for some reason I was thinking of this guy in university that I dated. I was thinking about my life and all the things I have always wanted since I was young. I have craved stability, happiness and peace since I was little. Yet I think the biggest thing I yearned for was love.
I am not sure I would say I would fall into love easily because I really only fell in love twice. Thankfully the second time was a charm.
This guy was someone I wanted to believe that I would spend the rest of my life with. I fought many obstacles just to be with him. Yet really, he was a loser. He let me walk away, twice.
I was devastated. I wanted, waited and prayed that he would see the error of his ways and beg me back. I BEGGED God! I begged that this would be His will.
I remember the broken heart I carried. I hated that I was so sad and he did not seem to care. When I read my journal over this time period it makes me a little sick. Sick from the pain and sick from the longing.
Then Sanj and I saw each other in a different light. I fell in love for real. Real love is reciprocated. My past relationship was so one sided. The desires of my heart were coming alive. I just knew, even back then, that life with Sanj was going to be good. It has not been easy because we have gone through many valleys. But we have gone thru them together and become stronger as a couple.
Back to thinking about the ex, I was imaging how different my life would have been if I had married him. I don’t think he would have been a great provider of all the things I needed… stability, security and loving me the way I need to be loved. The scary thing is I was ready to settle for less with him simply because I wanted it to work.
O.K. here again is where God KNEW better than me and despite my begging and pleading He did not give in. Simply because He knew better especially since I did not want to admit how wrong this would be. God did hear my prayers… the important ones about a happy family, wanting to be loved, being a mom… all the big stuff and knew I just had to wait for the right “one” to come along.
One of my friends wrote in the comments… about how much we are like children and God our Father. He is so patient with my childish faith and behavior. I am humbled again at the plan that He has and His patience in dealing with my impatient nature of “Hurry up God…”
I am so glad that I waited. Really it was only a short bit and Sanj was in the picture the whole time. We just didn’t know. Despite all of life’s stresses, I have never been short on LOVE. I know I am always secure in our relationship. And together we work at continuing to secure the future for ourselves and the boys.
Another prayer answered. I continue to pray that God guards our marriage and our love. I pray that it does grow each year we are together. I have so many adventures and wishes I want to have in the future. I can’t imagine a better person doing it with then the one who holds my heart.