It’s the day after …
The boys are (except Josh, of course) are still sound asleep at 8:45 am. Even Sanj. I love the peacefulness of mornings like this. The weather is still gorgeous, giving the illusion that summer is lingering. It’s the day after our Thanksgiving Dinner, leaving today to relax and enjoy without the pressure of “Is that turkey done?” Since 9/10 we are the hosts, days like yesterday are fatiguing.
My mom arrived yesterday evening which means, today, my “last supper” will be something yummy! I shopped for all the essentials that are needed to keep the house running smoothly, or semi-smoothly while I am “vacationing.” I bought a wack of new socks to replenish the sock bin, as that bin seems to have depleted. I bought juices boxes, sandwich meats, snacks and all that jazz for lunches. I took all the laundry to the Wash, Dry and Fold, since I did not have time this week to keep up with it this week, so I’ll have to put it away and can leave knowing each boy’s drawers are full of clean underwear. I even washed and changed sheets so my babes are sleeping on cleaning smelling sheets. I wonder if Shopper’s Drug Mart is open? I forgot to buy new toothbrushes for each, something I wanted to do.
Going on “vacation” requires a lot of planning when you are leaving your babes. Sanj will have his hands full, driving them to school, picking them up, homework, hockey… my mom will help with meals and laundry. Friends are helping with some of the meals. It will all be good. I hope to focus fully on my recovery.
Someone asked me if I am sad about losing my uterus? I am not really the kind of person that lets that define my womanhood. I have so much that defines me. Yet, I have always had this secret dream of becoming pregnant “by accident” and having twins. I always wanted twins. Now that dream will be bid farewell. lol So, no, there isn’t much sadness to losing my uterus. I am actually delighted to be able to plan my life without the monthly interruptions of cramps, pain and frustration.
I am scared though. Today, finally is here with not much to occupy my mind. And so, that nagging fear of going under, of trusting my body to a surgeon… someone whom I hope studied lots rather than partied, who I hope didn’t drink too much coffee before handling dangerous instruments on my body, someone who knows my uterus versus say my spleen… so there is fear now that is occupying my thoughts as I count down the hours. I am scared of my IV. I hate IVs. I am scared of that yucky feeling when you wake up from anesthetic. I am scared of the promise of pain I will feel. I am scared of all the unknowns.
I hope for success. I hope for no complications. I hope for peace. I hope for well behaved kids while I am out. I hope for being back to normal very soon.
My little “vacation” is T-minus 22 hours and counting. Tomorrow at 8 am I’ll be in the OR. Please, if you have a moment, could you say a prayer for me?