I have felt numb the last few days and yet still felt the need to write the emotions that seem to overflow within me if for no other reasons to let remind my boys how much I desperately love them.
Newtown, Connecticut, the lose of so many little babes, who barely had a chance to live, their parents, their siblings, their teachers and their families… I mean how …. what word even begins to describe the unimaginable pain and horror?
I was driving yesterday into Toronto, after dropping off the boys … and felt this uncontrollable need to weep… praying, actually begging God to let me see their beautiful faces at the end of the day. I just couldn’t help image if my kids were those poor children, if Josh (age 7) was dealt with the horror those children faced… what would his little heart do?
I can’t help think of Adam Lanzsa’s mom and her heartbreak and fear as her own son pointed his gun on her… of Adam’s brother, his nightmare of living now with his mom dead and all the things he will have to deal with due to his bloodline. Or of the father….
Then I can’t even image the emptiness that has filled the moms of these babes, of their raw grief… of how life has to go on and yet how do they, will they do that?
I can’t imagine and yet I feel such grief for all the people, families affected. And then I selfishly snuggle with my 7 year old, hug my 10 year old, hold my 13 year old’s hand for the few moments he allows, ruffle my 15 year old’s hair, playfully punch my 16 year old and snuggle (yes, he allowed it) on my 17 year old for a moment… listening to the beating heart… grateful and yet feeling pain, such raw pain from one mom to another, across the miles.
I am reminded for a moment of all that is important… all that we have as a family and stop and simply say “Thank you, Jesus.” And then pray for strength for all those that need it to simply get through today.