Father’s Day is tomorrow… If you have been following my posts over the years, then you know and understand this is usually a day that I really struggle with.
Over the last years I have been trying to work it all out. I was in such a place of yearning and disappointment not to long ago. I haven’t blogged in a while so you will not believe the changes that have happened.
First, my dad has moved here, to live with my brother who lives an hour or less from me. He realized that he is old and needs to be with family. My brother graciously opened his home to him. Over this time, my dad started to come into work with me. First, to just pass time and be out of the house. Yet after the first week, he has become my right arm. He has become my helper. He makes the salads, cuts veggies and does the dishes. He chats with me. He expresses to others right in front of me as to how he loves me and his proud of me. He worries about my busyness and if I am getting enough sleep. He enjoys my meals and doesn’t hesitate to tell me so.
He brings me little things… such as a yummy, ripe mango that he knows I love. He cuts it into bit size pieces and watches as I eat every last bite. He buys little nic nacs for the boys. He bought me a “World’s Greatest Daughter” pen.
We chatter about my brothers, his family, whom I just reunited with not to long ago. Sometimes he is chatty and I hear little tidbits about his life. Some days we are just quiet. The silence isn’t uncomfortable any more but rather some what peaceful.
I am not living in a fantasy world where I believe we are suddenly this perfect father/daughter duo. I know that in a blink he can do or say something that can upset this fine balance we have right now. What I do believe is that I am experiencing a little gift from God. My dad can die anytime. He is old, has many health issues and life is short. I see this moment, today, as a little gift from God. I have no unrealistic expectations.
God really has granted me the serenity to accept the things in my dad that I cannot change… and the Courage to accept the moments I have with no expectations.
And really, it’s about me, my heart and my conscience. It’s about forgiving and letting go of things I have no control over.
It’s about me loving my dad.
It’s about me finally accepting my dad, just as he is today.
It’s about understanding that God, my Heavenly Father really does have my Back.
Happy Father’s Day, Daddy. I love you.
Heavenly Father, thank you so much for being Father to me when my earthly one couldn’t. I love You so much! I can’t wait to sit on Your lap, Jesus!