I have had a very rude awakening to my pity party I have been having all by myself. Today while working out… I was slapped in the face with the reality that it is time to get over my pity party.
Pretty much it boils down to: so what if you had a sucky childhood… many have had much worse. So what if you weren’t/aren’t loved by the family you thought should love you… not everyone’s love scale equals someone else’s. Stop feeling sorry for the hurts of the past. Stop making them the hurts of today. Those that failed me… KNOW they failed me. I never really saw this … and maybe that was a BIG hold up. I wanted to let those that hurt me feel that HUGE letdown they are.
WOW. It must suck to live with the weight of the fact that you let part of you down in such huge ways. And now that person has to pick you up… roles are reversed. Is it time for pay back? Can it ever feel better? No. I am not 12 years old anymore.
SO the slap I received was pretty much suck it up. Get over it. Look at NOW. See the love … feel the love. I am surrounded by that love… I just need to stop looking at where it is not coming from.
So… I am going to have to stop punishing those that pain me to just be with. I am going to have to just be who I am.
I am reading this book.. “My Sister’s Keeper.” It reminds me of my self appointed role of my family’s keeper. I didn’t have to hang on to this role.
OK… so the party is over. Wow! What a work out session that was. I burned over 500 calories in today’s workout. Guess I was working out in all sorts of ways.
My friend said this to me… “Your time is now. Don’t focus on the future, your resentments with the past inflate your expectations for the future.” Such wise words. What a wise person. I am so thankful for the people that God has placed and continues to shower me with love. Focus on NOW.
My apologies, it was not meant to be a slap, but a gentle push, or maybe a shove, a two handed shove, ok no, a two handed shove accompanied by a kick in the butt. The word workout has a new definition in my world. WORKOUT: sweat..really wet dripping wipe with a towel, tears…literally, anger…the kind where your eyes bug out of your head when you are attempting to exhibit hostility and breath at the same time, laugh…at each other, and entertainment to those who are eavesdropping on our conversation. Somewhere in the world of 'blogging' is a column labelled…."Everything I needed to learn, I learnt from eavesdropping at the gym" and we my dear friend are the main characters. Cheers!! we are making someone laugh. xoxoxo
Hey Kumar…earth to Kumar….where are you? Have not heard from you since the lamb and vegetable issue! So sorry I was unable to meet you on the weekend. Next time for sure…would love to have you pull up a machine next to us at the gym and sweat a few stories for Rhema to spread throughout the internet world.
She scares me!