I Was Thinking…


Life is full of stuff. Good stuff, like this weekend… celebrating fathers. Not everyone gets to celebrate that … it especially sucks when it is a child. I saw this posting on Facebook of one of the children from a family we hung with. Mom and Dad are divorced. Dad has chosen not to be around. It hurt me to read this. Nothing and nobody can make that moment better.

So we need to teach our children to love their dads that are loving them actively each day. It is a gift.

One of my favorites spots at home is around the fire pit. I love it. I love fire. I love poking at it and throwing things in it. I am a bad example for my kids… but yet again, I do understand their fascination with the fire. I love the relaxation that the fire pulls out of me. I love watching the sunset, the clouds go by and the smell of smoke that is seeping into your being.

Then there is the stuff in that is just a bummer to deal with. I was thinking of some of the battles some child have to fight. Some kids just have the whole package… maybe. Others have to fight with various issues. As I watch some of my children deal with issues unique only to them, I feel so helpless.

I wish my genes were perfect. I wish that life was just easy. I wish that as a parent, I had stronger will power or that “stick-to-it” ability. I wish I did all the those I knew/know to do. I wish…

Yet all I can do is continue to give my children the tools to empower them, tools that will teach them how to be the best they an be… or almost the best they can be.

I was thinking of love… what a gift that is. Love for a child is a gift to a child. Not everyone gets that loving parent. Not everyone gets a lesson in how to… sometimes it’s just a guessing game. Sometimes you get to see why God made children so forgiving and resilient.

I was thinking of goodbyes today … there are so many changes in our lives right now. Lots of changes at school and then this weekend we said good bye to our pastor at our church. I wasn’t really ready for the assault of emotions that flooded me. Yet, this church… and more specifically our pastor… helped me find my faith. What I mean by that is to see Christ, church, religion all for me… a grown up and what worked for me… not because my mom/dad told me so.

Finding my adult relationship with Christ was first about finding the true meaning of Christians. It was understanding that they didn’t belong to a particular faith… but rather it was all about relationships. It was such a scary step… to walk out from all that was “safe” and seek what I really believed and needed.

When we started to go to this church, what I so appreciated about our pastor was he did not try to convert us. He listened and understood us and the journey we were on… Looking for a place to Belong, Believe and Become Like Jesus. I loved that.
I love that we didn’t have to fit to belong. Does that make sense?

So as I sat in church… I was surprised at the flurry of emotions that came forth. I am so grateful to this man for the acceptance we received. It was that lack of acceptance that caused us to walk away from church as we knew it, in the first place.

So… as I continue my own personal battle with church… and me… I appreciate the people that God put in my path to help me grow. So… I was sad to say bye. Yet excited as I know God will use this family.

So I had a lot of thoughts today! 🙂 Not to mention it was the beginning of the first week of summer. It was a full day. Yet it was a good day.

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