That Voice in My Head….

I remember being in Bible class in high school and the teacher/pastor said something along the lines of ” if your conscious stops nagging you, you know you are lost. God has given up on you.”

That has stayed with me. Of course I never stopped to really question the validity of it. It actually scares me a little of how much was spoon feed to me and I just ate it. I never even thought to question it.

My conscious… it can be an annoying thing. The need to do the right thing can be heavy.

When I asked my brother (the minister) about what the bible teacher said, his reply was “What do you think? Is that anywhere in the bible?”

Some people don’t have consciouses. How do you live like that? I wonder if my dad had a conscious? He never ever said sorry… For anything.

I feel guilty when I am angry at him for feeling hateful to him. Guilty. How come I feel that guilt? How come he doesn’t?
Or can you feel guilty of something and yet just live with it?

I worry about this gene in my children. When I see meanness… true meanness and no remorse… I worry. I worry a lot. OK, it might seem a little weird for me to worry if my child (ren) have sociopathic tendencies… but when the gene is in the family history is it really so crazy to worry?

It says that it is a disorder that one can not change … you can control it to some degree with meds but…

There were many traits that my dad had that were great. I actually am a lot like him. Characteristics.. good and bad come from him. Yet there are so many that I wish were not in his genetic pool.

Listening to your conscious is something that I need to teach my kids. Listen to that voice in your head. It usual doesn’t lead you astray.

Yet what if they don’t have that voice in their head???

I am writing this because it keeps coming up… usually once I write it, I feel better.

Maybe this is a great way to get wisdom… my question is how do I know if my kids all have a conscious?
Maybe if I didn’t have a dad that I did, I wouldn’t even question this.
Maybe I am crazy too.
Hum…
There is always that voice in my head that talks to me…

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