The other day I went out with some ladies to dinner and a movie. It was a night to connect with girlfriends and just relax with a chick flick. I love a good brainless movie. It is a great way for me to unwind.
At some point the obvious stresses of marriage and motherhood came up. It is never too far away.
It made me really think of how much marriage is a commitment. It made me think of how much a person must be willing to give to make that commitment work. It made me wonder at what point are you selling your soul to the devil.
I know that tears are a part of every marriage. It is definitely a part of parenthood. Is it that fine line where the smiles out number the tears? Or is it where just the promise of tomorrow together is enough to get through that moment?
It is so different. Life is so different. There are people with one easy child that deal with different issues… There are people with no kids that deal with other issues… There are the single parents that deal with a whole new set of issues. There are the mom, dad and kids that come with their issues.
But I think (this is only my thought at this moment)… that the key is appreciation. Do know what I mean?
Everybody is working hard. (We are excluding the dead beat situations here…) I am using my own home in this example…
Dad is off working hard to provide for his family. He has his constant stresses that come with his dad. Office drama, patient drama, haggling with payments from various institutions, paying the bill and more bills… house stuff to keep on top of, the extracurricular activities that have demand attention… Dad comes home and is then needing to meet the emotional needs of all those that greet him, including the pups. Phew! By the time bed time rolls around he is already processing things that need his attention when his eyes open…
Mom is up early, fighting the desire to crawl back in bed … as she is not a morning person. Breakfast, bathes, tidying, nagging to tidy, laundry, dishes, hugs, referee a battle, lunch, off to the creek/lake to burn off the gangs energy, figure out supper, pick up groceries, get gas, get home to hungry messy kids. Supper on, quick tidy, refereeing, laundry, supper, clean up supper, nag to clean up, (homework would be next if not for summer)… get little ones cleaned up, bed… hugs/kisses… tidy, spend time with hubby and if lucky, will get a few minutes to read or Facebook before hubby is complaining about the light on. Night.
Obviously this doesn’t begin to cover all that either does. It isn’t always fun. It is exhausting many a time. Who wouldn’t want a maid, cook, ocassional nanny?
When I have taken the time to first Figure Out what we are having for supper, then Shopped for the necessary ingredients, then Prepared it, Served it and then Cleaned it all…. If I am greeted with “Aw, I don’t like….. Can I have a sandwich…” Do you know what is coming out of my mouth…*&^^%$#@!
What is the biggest annoyance that stays with my well after meal time is the lack of gratitude.
Yah, I don’t like cooking 3 meals, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, 365 days every year. NO i don’t. But I do it well at least 350 times because I love you.
If I hear, “Thanks Mom for supper.” I am at least not annoyed at having done it.
I am sure that dad feels the same. “I need more money… dear.” How he must hate hearing that. He is working his butt off and then some… and just needs to know that his efforts are appreciated.
Is it not all about being appreciated? Is it not about treating your spouse the same way you would want to be treated? Is it not about lack of selfishness and more of giving of ones self? Is it not about respect? Is it not about appreciating and being appreciated?
I am still figuring it out. I know that one of my first questions to God will be WHY DID HE MAKE US SO DIFFERENT? Aside from the obvious.. most women are such emotional creatures and most men are such physical creatures?
I need a hug and an “I love you.” He needs that physical expression of loving… words not so much.
If I teach my children to have an appreciation for the little things, clean clothes, a home-cooked meal… no matter WHAT it is, clean sheets, pee-free bathrooms, flushing, seats down, go out of their way to pick up or put away… they will be that much further to having happy futures.
As I type this, I realize that it all sounds to old fashion. But in my marriage, our roles are such for the most part. Just how it worked out… and works for us ( for the most part). Yet regardless of roles… appreciation is one of the fundaments of a happier relationship.