To Anonymous…

Below is a comment posted on my blog from the post “Wow Mom… You so not cool.”

It was deleted…. because it was not a true assessment of Sanj. If and when my kids read my blog this is not an opinion I would want them to read.

Anonymous wrote:

I feel your pain Reema and can certianly empathize!

Do you think that we as parents are partly to blame for our children’s ingratitude. Do we try too hard to be our kid’s friend vs. their parent? Sometimes we think that if we’re more of a “friend” to them, maybe, just maybe, they might begin to like and accept us. Makes you feel like you’re back in high school, trying to fit in with the “in crowd”…AGGGHHHHH!!!

The best advice I can give you is to be a parent first; correct their behavior, this is paramount! If you don’t the selfishness, ingratitude and disrespect only snowball. More importantly, this one child is setting the tone for all his other siblings.

I typically find parents discounting this behavior as a “phase” that their child is going through….BIG MISTAKE!! I feel bad for you, because it appears to me that you must be their primary caregiver and therefore you “own” the burden of discipling them. Certianly your husband can give his two-cents when he gets home, but by then the tension has been diffused and you quite frankly, just want to enjoy the rest of your evening.

I truly think, hubby needs to make a stronger impression on the boy(s). Perhaps daily reinforce the significance of respecting their mother. It’s important that he lays down the law so that if even one morsel of disrespect is exhibited, there will be consequences. But most importantly, the boys will need to see and expereince the very respect that is expected of them modeled by their father.

You’re a wonderful mother and wife!

I agree with alot of what you say. I never really believe in being my child’s friend over their parent. I know that if it is not nipped in the bud… that disrespect and lack of gratitude… that it only becomes uglier.

What I don’t agree or understand is the last comments about Sanj. My husband is constantly letting it be know that I am not to be treated with anything other than respect. If they even were to lift a hand…. (and I mean my 4 year old…) they quickly learn that it is not appropriate. While Sanj is off to work… he does deal with issues when he is home in the evening. Further more… he does ONLY model respect and love to me. So please don’t “feel bad for me” because I share the joys and frustrations with a wonderful partner.

It is a daily thing.. the significance of respecting me… as well as each other. Of course there are consequences… yet I refuse to beat the @#$% out of my children. I know that fear has its place but not to that degree. Most have a conscience that make them feel bad after thinking of the hurtful things that were done or said. I am not sure I want my children to live and love with fear as the major factor.

So… as with a blog, I appreciate the comments more than you will know. I love to hear thoughts. But when a judgement is being made… an incorrect one at that… I have to let it be know. I also have to question where that comment comes from. If you know us… you know that my husband loves and is a active part of our lives. All he does… working his butt off is for his children.

So to Anonymous, I say, you got that last part wrong. I am grateful for the partnership that I have with my hubby in this adventure we can parenting.

And… while I blog… and complain.. it is a vent. It is a release for me to share my thoughts at that moment. I love the feedback that reminds me I am not alone. I love the encouragement. I love my boys. I love my husband. I love my family.

To my friends on facebook… yes, Cindy… my blog (www.sukumaranville.blogspot.com) does allow anonymous comments… for now. 🙂

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