I have made a huge attempt to move from the past and live in today and the future. Yet I can’t help but bring up the past as it is so much of who I am. I am this person today, made from all the good and bad moments of yesteryear.
So I go back for a bit in this blog… I have to. I have to write and release and yet really hope if one person reads it and it makes a difference, it is to that person I write.
I went to see my aunt and uncle yesterday. Theirs is a relationship of abuse. Physical and emotional.
My uncle was very hard on my cousins, they got butt-whopping too. Not that this makes a difference but I do believe their were beat when misbehaving… though the beats they received were hardly appropriate punishments. My uncle was a very hard man. He grew up this way and I suppose that this is the only way he knew. He has a fierce temper.
Their marriage was one of craziness. While I don’t know all the sordid details, I believe at some point, both had affairs. My uncle had a girl… a young girl … that was the “love of his life.” This lady was the third person in the marriage, to this day.
While I don’t know all the detail, while visiting them a few years ago, my aunt came into my room, crying. She just kept saying “please pray for us.” Then she started sharing things I didn’t want to know.
When with them, I still feel like I am 12 years old. They always treated my well and I loved them.
My mom made the offer for my aunt to leave all the “stuff” and come live with her.
My aunt will never leave. There is money and that keeps her as well as the grandsons that live in a sad cycle too.
My uncle is mean to her. She is beaten, emotionally. She responds to him with fear and no willpower.
He makes derogatory comments and she just tightens her mouth.
I felt so sad and helpless.
It made me feel the helplessness I felt as a child.
So here is the thing. There really is NO good reason (that I can think of ) that anyone should stay in an abusive relationship.
If you are being beat… that is AGAINST THE LAW. If you think staying for your children is a good enough reason… IT ISN’T.
If you are being beaten EMOTIONALLY… there is freedom just a phone call away.
Is it going to be easy? NO! It will be the hardest thing you did. Yet you are strong enough… how do I know? Because ANYONE who has lived with what you are… can only be strong to have survived.
Do I wish my mom left my dad years ago? YES!!! You have no idea how strong a YES that is. Yet I am proud that she left him when she did. She was the only one to really benefit by this point, yet she still lives with people casting judgement on her.
People do not understand the life threatening reality that it is.
It is so ignorant of people to judge when they have not walked in those shoes. My aunt often tells my mom how lucky she is.
It is amazing that situation you will allow yourself to live in because of fear.
As a child of abuse, living it and watching it… It is a part of my everyday. I am not in danger nor do I live with abuse of any kind (accept laundry)… yet there isn’t a day that goes by that it is not a part of my day. NOT ONE DAY!