Life’s Mysteries…

The first time I knew that living with abuse was not normal was watching Oprah. I didn’t even know it was called abuse.

Then I learned about being a battered woman. I learned this on Oprah too.
Today I watched the interview with Oprah and Whitney Houston. I love Whitney’s music. I listened to her through my teens as I daydreamed of my crush of that hour.
One of the things I have been so hard on my mom is that she lived with the abuse. She didn’t choose to escape. I really never got that. I didn’t understand how she could allow herself to be beat and emotionally battered time and again.
As I became a mother… I vowed that no one would ever hurt my kids. No one. It was one of the reasons why my father was removed out of my life. I didn’t want my children to experience that roller coaster ride of hurt and confusion.
Today I watched Whitney Houston… someone who had it all… tell about how she lived with abuse. Yes, there was drugs… but it doesn’t change anything. How can someone who had it all at her beck and call live a life of being abused?
I was slapped across the face… so to speak. May it is just something I am lucky to not have had to live through as an adult. My man respects me, adores me and loves me.
Whitney said that Bobby Brown was her drug. She said that she was determined to keep to her vows.
I can’t help but wonder if someone with all the money and power is so helpless… how my mom must have felt. Whitney had her family… always ready to help her… she just didn’t accept it … till later. My mom had no one to turn to. When she did… she was turned away.
I guess I have been associating it with love … I always thought if my mom had loved us enough … she would have left. Yet… I watched Whitney allow her daughter to lived through some ugly stuff…
I know my mom loved us… and did the best she could. That is where humanness comes into play…. maybe.
I watch as my mother still goes to my father… to help him out… now. I don’t understand it. I maddens me. Yet … who am I to judge?
I can’t. I shouldn’t. I have to accept that some things are and will be one of life’s mysteries.
It was quite a wake up for me to hear Whitney Houston live with these choices… her choices… and now her realities. It is also her daughter’s reality.
It makes me see my mother in a different light. It makes me really not want to judge. It makes me want to just be… to accept the life I had… and grateful for survival. Now… grateful for today and the gift of my life now as I know it.
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