The older boys had friends over for most of the day. The younger ones were happy to just be with everyone.
It is cool and rainy… it’s time to figure out supper. Yuck. I am feeling kind of on the verge of getting something. I want to say it is allergies but I feel chilled and kinda achy. I got a couple of movies… Sanj has hockey tonight, the younger ones will be off to bed early, the older ones are watching a movie.
Sanj has been building his master piece all day. It is 5:45 and he is off with the younger ones to catch some fish since they didn’t have a friend over. What a good dad! Let’s hope he doesn’t bring fish for supper. I am not in the mood for it. It feels like a soup night.
I am almost finished the Book Of Negroes. It has been very disturbing to me. I never understand meanness in people. I don’t get it. How could humans treat each other like that and be OK with it? How is that even humane? Think of the holocaust? I sometimes think that there is a good thing there is a hell.
I see meanness in little girls and boys. How do they think like that? What makes them want to be exclusive … leave out others knowing full well it will hurt someone?
I think of people that are mean and I think that it boils down to insecurity. Insecurity is such a nasty thing. It is a horrible thing to need to prop yourself up at someone else’s expense.
I have been the “victim” of meanness. It is a result of insecurity and feeling threatened. I have her talking behind my back. She puts me down. She demeans my attempts at being helpful.
She is so threatened and yet so fake.
Lord have mercy. I really don’t have time for games or her issues. And really they are her issues. I am there to accomplish a task and do my best. I can’t be bothered by the pettiness of others. Yet I am.
Meanness. I hate watching it play out in front of me. I hate seeing kids act ugly to another.
I wonder why girls/women are meaner than men? Are we? I have seen my boys go at it, beat each other up and then they are over it, playing together the next minute.
How come we aren’t like that? I don’t think all women are like that. But we do protect our own. Those claws can come out.
So, as I finish the Book of Negroes and reflect on the history of slavery and intolerance… I remind myself to focus on all the blessings. Let go of the pettiness.
I am going to turn the other cheek as long as I can… but I would so love to just slap that meanness out of her! Oops those were my inside thoughts coming out!