I am not sure if I will post this… but I am writing because right now this is the thoughts of an adult who just got off the phone with a dad that abused her family his whole life.
I have hands that are shaking violently. My heart is pounding and skipping I feel like I may have a heart attack.
My legs are weak… I had to sit down while on the phone just to support myself.
He called. I see the number. I groan. I pick up. I can’t avoid it. He is persistent.
I hear his voice. I feel emotions that are indescribable.
He starts talking…my stomach is churning.
He talks and talks. He is the same. He is wanting me to come to the dedication. He is saying that this may be his last time when we are all together. He wants to talk about what he wants when he dies.
He wants me to be the older sister and forgive. He doesn’t understand there isn’t a grudge. Just fear.
He wants to be buried in Maryland. He names my uncles and aunts that are buried there. He never made attempts to get along with them ever. He always stirred the pot so my mom was kept at a distance from her family and friends. Now he is worried about being buried alone?
Weird.
He talks about the same policy he has. (Not sure if this is for real). Whose name should he put for the benefactor? Not me. No thanks.
Then he talks about family that is struggling. He talks about bad behaviour (yet I am amazed that he is calling the behaviour… such a hitting a 3 year old, bad… since he did it time and again since I was one!)
He asks me to come to the dedication. Pray about it… He says. He says he has people praying for me. Um… not sure he gets it.
Then I say (not sure where I got the strength, well yes I am)… “Dad, I am not coming. I do not feel safe. I do not want to expose my children to any of it. I don’t know what will happen. I am not willing to put myself or them at risk.” (Thank you, Jesus for strength).
(When the three siblings are together, something always happens. Every time. So maybe this time it will be different. My absence may be a gift).
He says… (I can’t believe he said this) “I won’t let anything happen. I will call 911 if I have to.”
OK… you must get the picture. He asks for money for another life insurance policy. Money he will leave for us. He asks for $30 so he can leave us $2000.
Weird.
He talks about my mom. But then says, “I don’t want to talk about her.”
Weird.
This weekend the boys and I are away. We are at a hockey tournament.
Far and away.
My hands are still shaking.
As I hung up, I feel overwhelmed with emotions of sadness. When will it stop? I feel bad also because I know I have disappointed him. Again.
Weird.
This is from a daughter that has lived with abuse her life after talking to her father.
It's obvious that your father is once againg trying to be the manipulator. He's only concerned about what HE wants. In order to make up for all his years of abuse, he is trying to capture some sort of Norman Rockwell moment; hopefully you've caught on and not about to give in to this hype!
Reema, it has nothing to do with you at this point..it's all about his wishes. I certianly hope that you won't put yourself through the agony of even giving a hint of consideration to the whole dedication thingy. Your father will once again get his wishes and your brother will feel a bit empowered because now you're on "his turf" so to speak…it's a power-trip; DON'T DO IT REEMA!
Don't buy into the guilt because it is you and your family that will ultimately pay the price; I am all too familiar with this situation! And all wounds that you've somehow managed to heal or at the very least placed a bandage on, will only deepen and lengthen the healing process if you give into this farce!
I don't know you and i don't know the underlying circumstances regarding your brother, but you have made a few references with regards to fearing him….what exactly did he or his family do? I'd like to pray for the situation. I'm sure that would be an entire blog in itself.
Be strong Reema, don't give into the hype….you're father is being selfish and your brother is probably waiting for an opportunity to reignite that fear that you're referred to in the past.