Love based on Choice…

Love others based on CHOICE not Feelings

I like that.  This was on one of my Facebook friends status.  I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I think that loving someone unconditionally is the hardest thing we will do.  I struggle with this.  Some of my kids really push my buttons.  When you are riding the elevator, you know how there is the kid riding along that takes his chubby little palms and rubs the buttons up and down, therefore causing the elevator to stop way too many times before it gets to your floor?  That is life  with some of my babes.  There seems to be too many rough, unnecessary stops along the way.

I have to love my children.  Well, maybe, technically, I don’t have to but I can’t help it.  I love them to pieces.  How come the times in between can be so rough?  Here’s the thing, how hard is it to not touch your brother?  Really?  Why can’t the hands be kept to themselves?  Then the hitting starts… do you really think if you hit it will end there?  NO!

I ran in to grab a few things I need for supper.  I came back to WWIII erupting in the van.  It was all because hands did not stay where they belonged!!!  Then the arguing started.  Why does one think the world is against them?  Why is it always some else’s fault?

I told this child of mine to get out of the van.  Find his own ride home or even another home if that works better for him.  I really wanted him to get out!  I am pretty sure I would have.  I would have ended up walking to Sanj’s office.  But this child of mine would not budge.

Here’s the thing…  I reacted.  I started talking back.  Why can I not be quiet?  Why can I not be calm?
I came all the way down to his level.  Why?

I came down to his level and argued with him because ultimately I care.  It sometimes sucks to care.  I care because I love.  I love my kids so much.  I love them with all my heart.  It is a choice and a feeling most times.  Yet when I am not feeling the love, I still choose to love them.

Sigh.  It was a rough evening.  I actually apologized to him.  I am the worst at apologizing, especially if I really care.  I have been wrong exactly 4 times in my marriage.  lol  Yup… I can name every time to you.  Trust me, it was painfully and excruciating and saying, “I am sorry” sucked.  Yet I love my hubby, so when I am wrong, I say I am wrong. (Hey, wasn’t that a line in Dirty Dancing)?

*** O.K.  Side bar… really I am kidding.  I am sure I have been wrong a few more than 4 times.  Thankfully I have a husband that is very generous with apologies and loves me for all I am!   xoxox Sanj!

Back to yesterday… I apologized.  I was still mad but I am pretty sure that flinging words as a grown up wasn’t the right thing to do.  (Even if I was right)!

I love my son.  I choose to love him despite himself.  I wish he would love me in spite of myself.
Sigh.
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